Posts tagged authenticity
Setting Boundaries: The Ultimate Gift Of Self-Care

How are your boundaries, and do you know how, when and where to draw the line? I will tolerate this, but I will not tolerate that. The inability to set boundaries is a problem that many of my psychotherapy and coaching clients struggle with in their lives. Like any newly-learned skill, the practice of setting clear and loving boundaries with others takes practice. Giving away precious energy, time and power is a common issue that many of my clients experience, which then leads them to feeling confused, depleted and resentful. Women in particular are more likely to be unclear about their own boundaries, and send messages to others that their boundaries are porous, leaving them vulnerable to boundary intrusion. If your boundaries are too porous, you are vulnerable to others and unable to lead an authentic life. On the other end of the spectrum, if your boundaries are too rigid, your life can be inflexible, constricted and overly-controlled. This creates problems for yourself, and others! 

Many people ask "how can I develop a stronger sense of self?" Learning to set boundaries is a great place to begin, and you can learn a lot about yourself along the way. We know how important healthy relationships are to our well being, and having boundaries and setting limits is an important aspect of human relations -- in both our professional and personal lives. 

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NYC + Santa Fe Psychotherapist, Kim Seelbrede, MSW, LCSW is a Licensed Psychotherapist, EMDR Therapist, Relationship Expert + Stress/Anxiety Coach who provides Psychological Consultations in-person and online psychotherapy working with individuals and couples. Specialties include: trauma, addictions, anxiety, depression, relationships, creative, VIP + high-profile clients. She enjoys writing, photography, yoga, travel and pie. For more, subscribe to her newsletter or connect with her on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Psychology Today, EMDRIA and her personal website www.kimseelbrede.com or blog.

#shrinkthinks - How To Use FAST To Gain Self Respect In Relationships

FAST is a wonderful mnemonic device to help you gain enhanced self-respect and increased self-esteem as you negotiate easy and even the more challenging interpersonal situations that you may encounter in your daily life. It's borrowed from the truly awesome DBT treatment and here's how it goes...

  1. Fair - Be fair when you negotiate. Make sure that you accurately interpret situations. When working with others, one goal may be to come to solutions that are ethical and benefit everyone involved.
  2. Apologies - No, do not apologize for disagreeing because doing that contradicts your values. You have a right to your opinion and viewpoint. This is about being true to yourself because you gotta learn to love you.
  3. Stick - Stick to your values. Boldly. Not sure what your values are? Work with a therapist, coach, trusted friend or parent to help you get clear about where you stand on things. Never soften on your values to make others happy or to gain their favor. This erodes your sense of self.
  4. Truthful - Be truthful when you communicate. Authenticity and honesty helps you feel better about yourself, which leads to a happier and more authentic life. Again, this is hard if you're a people pleaser, but people will respect you more, and you'll love yourself for it. 

Stay tuned for more #shrinkthinks and DBT self-help.

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NYC + Santa Fe Psychotherapist, Kim Seelbrede, MSW, LCSW is a Licensed Psychotherapist, EMDR Therapist, Relationship Expert + Stress/Anxiety Coach who provides Psychological Consultations in-person and online psychotherapy working with individuals and couples. Specialties include: trauma, addictions, anxiety, depression, relationships, creative, VIP + high-profile clients. She enjoys writing, photography, yoga, travel and pie. For more, subscribe to her newsletter or connect with her on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Psychology Today, EMDRIA and her personal website www.kimseelbrede.com or blog.