Posts tagged coaching
#shrinkthings :: CBT, Challenging Those Pesky Automatic Thoughts

Are your thoughts, both conscious and those just beneath the surface, keeping you from success and living the life you desire? Have you heard the saying, "thoughts are not facts? These thoughts that interfere with health and happiness sneak up on us fast, some louder than others, and many are like background noise wreaking havoc on your life. Many thoughts need to be challenged because they no longer serve you and actually keep you looping in misery or feeling "stuck." One successful and time-tested strategy for working with coaching or psychotherapy clients is helping them learn to notice the "automatic thoughts" that have a deleterious affect on relationships, mood, anxiety, behavior and general outlook contributing to negative quality of life and poor health. 

Automatic thinking refers to the automatic thoughts people have in response to things happening around them. The goal is not to judge these thoughts that occur, but to develop awareness and then learn to challenge and replace them with more realistic thoughts thus breaking the cycle of negative impact. I've included a helpful CBT tool from Psychology Tools, a resource that I regularly use with coaching and therapy clients to interrupt negative thinking. 

Prompts For Challenging Negative Thinking (Use the list of prompts below to help you assess the truthfulness of your negative thinking).

What thought do you notice?

Evidence

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Kimberly Seelbrede, LCSW is a New York City Psychotherapist + Consultant who splits her time between Manhattan and Santa Fe, providing online therapy to individuals and couples. With extensive training and experience, she provides psychological consultation, psychotherapy, EMDR therapy and executive coaching to a range of clients including VIP's + high-profile clients. As a women's emotional health + relationship expert, her specialties include: anxiety, depression, trauma resolution, addictions, relationship, intimacy and sexual concerns, health + autoimmune issues, loss + grief and women's mentoring. She enjoys writing, photography, yoga, meditation, travel and really good key lime pie. She lives with her husband, psychologist, scholar and mindfulness expert John Chambers Christopher. For more, subscribe to her newsletter or connect with her on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Psychology Today, EMDRIA and her personal websites KimSeelbrede.com, Santa Fe Integrative Psychotherapy or Well+Being Blog.

Executive Coaching Failures :: When Psychological Blocks And Conflicts Interfere With Successful Coaching Outcomes

You’ve hired a top-notch life coach, maybe even the best executive or performance coach to whip you into shape, but now find that you are either stuck or that you made some temporary progress and are now reverting to your old ways. Coaching fails many hopeful clients and for some very important reasons.

You simply can’t move forward if you don’t get help clearing blocks and obstacles that are often unconscious, but sabotage your best efforts. Professional coaching can be very effective and successful, but sometimes you must dig a bit deeper to unearth unconscious beliefs about yourself and internal conflicts. Many well-meaning coaches lack the psychological training to be able to detect and support client needs when an executive's problem(s) stem from underlying emotional and psychological issues. For many, coaching can actually be detrimental when symptoms that are present are longstanding, stubborn, severe and ignored. An example of this would be attempting to coach individuals with severe personality disorders. Coaching methods utilized by trained professionals may utilize any number of high-level and cutting-edge modalities that have a proven track record of helping people overcome self-sabotage, problem, repetitive behaviors and psychological conflicts. Some examples include: EMDR therapy combined with coaching; CBT and DBT Skills blended into coaching sessions, psychodynamic (insight-oriented) coaching and depth psychology.

Many fear or do not trust therapy and prefer a coaching model that is “here and now” focused and results and solution-driven. What happens when executives stumble onto patterns and obstacles that come up for them again and again? Executives, creatives, officers and entrepreneurs hire coaches to help them remove obstacles and learn to find clarity in their lives so that they can see things about their thoughts, actions and behaviors that may be

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Kimberly Seelbrede, LCSW is a New York City Psychotherapist + Consultant who splits her time between Manhattan and Santa Fe, providing online therapy to individuals and couples. With extensive training and experience, she provides psychological consultation, psychotherapy, EMDR therapy and executive coaching to a range of clients including VIP's + high-profile clients. As a women's emotional health + relationship expert, her specialties include: anxiety, depression, trauma resolution, addictions, relationship, intimacy and sexual concerns, health + autoimmune issues, loss + grief and women's mentoring. She enjoys writing, photography, yoga, meditation, travel and really good key lime pie. She lives with her husband, psychologist, scholar and mindfulness expert John Chambers Christopher. For more, subscribe to her newsletter or connect with her on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Psychology Today, EMDRIA and her personal websites KimSeelbrede.com, Santa Fe Integrative Psychotherapy or Well+Being Blog.

#shrinkthinks :: Self-Acceptance

"If you're engaged in 'hating and blaming' yourself, you're unable to love your world." (Paraphrased) ~Tara Brach

How does your self-blame and hate give you the illusion of control?

Can you pause and notice how often you "turn" on yourself each day?

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Kimberly Seelbrede, LCSW is a New York City Psychotherapist + Consultant who splits her time between Manhattan and Santa Fe, providing online therapy to individuals and couples. With extensive training and experience, she provides psychological consultation, psychotherapy, EMDR therapy and executive coaching to a range of clients including VIP's + high-profile clients. As a women's emotional health + relationship expert, her specialties include: anxiety, depression, trauma resolution, addictions, relationship, intimacy and sexual concerns, health + autoimmune issues, loss + grief and women's mentoring. She enjoys writing, photography, yoga, meditation, travel and really good key lime pie. She lives with her husband, psychologist, scholar and mindfulness expert John Chambers Christopher. For more, subscribe to her newsletter or connect with her on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Psychology Today, EMDRIA and her personal websites KimSeelbrede.com, Santa Fe Integrative Psychotherapy or Well+Being Blog.

Five Minutes Closer To Relaxation, Creativity + Enhanced Intuition

Some days are better than others, this we know! If you are able, just for a few minutes, drop the "I should be doing..." and try these simple mindfulness tips to ease your way on those less-than-ideal days...

Remember:  Attention and gratitude...

On the difficult days notice how capable and sturdy your body is. You've made it through these days before. You would be helped to remember that you can do it again. You are resilient and still here. Perhaps you haven't slept, your body feels weak and yet it continues to serve you. Show gratitude and respect for the parts of your self, both physical and emotional, that feel overwhelmed or weakened. Despite your struggle, you may notice how your mind and body works to maintain balance. You've survived and even thrived on the tough days before. Your mind and body is competent and able -- it's designed to push through strain and it even compensates in some interesting ways. Breathe and rest as you can throughout the day needed moments of restoration. 

Remember: Ground yourself...

Feel your feet planted firmly on the ground. Notice the gentle support of the chair beneath you as you place your hands on your thighs and just breathe. Continue to notice any sensations as your feet connect to the earth. As you go about your day, however busy it may be, you can still practice this simple mindfulness exercise. Direct your focus to the sensation of your heels as they touch the ground, notice the space between the ground and the arch of your foot and then your toes as they make contact with the ground. Stillness is not the best solution for some, especially those with high anxiety or individuals who struggle to tolerate sensations in the body. Meditation and yoga experts often fail some clients by

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Kimberly Seelbrede, LCSW is a New York City Psychotherapist + Consultant who splits her time between Manhattan and Santa Fe, providing online therapy to individuals and couples. With extensive training and experience, she provides psychological consultation, psychotherapy, EMDR therapy and executive coaching to a range of clients including VIP's + high-profile clients. As a women's emotional health + relationship expert, her specialties include: anxiety, depression, trauma resolution, addictions, relationship, intimacy and sexual concerns, health + autoimmune issues, loss + grief and women's mentoring. She enjoys writing, photography, yoga, meditation, travel and really good key lime pie. She lives with her husband, psychologist, scholar and mindfulness expert John Chambers Christopher. For more, subscribe to her newsletter or connect with her on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Psychology Today, EMDRIA and her personal websites KimSeelbrede.com, Santa Fe Integrative Psychotherapy or Well+Being Blog.

Setting Boundaries: The Ultimate Gift Of Self-Care

How are your boundaries, and do you know how, when and where to draw the line? I will tolerate this, but I will not tolerate that. The inability to set boundaries is a problem that many of my psychotherapy and coaching clients struggle with in their lives. Like any newly-learned skill, the practice of setting clear and loving boundaries with others takes practice. Giving away precious energy, time and power is a common issue that many of my clients experience, which then leads them to feeling confused, depleted and resentful. Women in particular are more likely to be unclear about their own boundaries, and send messages to others that their boundaries are porous, leaving them vulnerable to boundary intrusion. If your boundaries are too porous, you are vulnerable to others and unable to lead an authentic life. On the other end of the spectrum, if your boundaries are too rigid, your life can be inflexible, constricted and overly-controlled. This creates problems for yourself, and others! 

Many people ask "how can I develop a stronger sense of self?" Learning to set boundaries is a great place to begin, and you can learn a lot about yourself along the way. We know how important healthy relationships are to our well being, and having boundaries and setting limits is an important aspect of human relations -- in both our professional and personal lives. 

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Kimberly Seelbrede, LCSW is a New York City Psychotherapist + Consultant who splits her time between Manhattan and Santa Fe, providing online therapy to individuals and couples. With extensive training and experience, she provides psychological consultation, psychotherapy, EMDR therapy and executive coaching to a range of clients including VIP's + high-profile clients. As a women's emotional health + relationship expert, her specialties include: anxiety, depression, trauma resolution, addictions, relationship, intimacy and sexual concerns, health + autoimmune issues, loss + grief and women's mentoring. She enjoys writing, photography, yoga, meditation, travel and really good key lime pie. She lives with her husband, psychologist, scholar and mindfulness expert John Chambers Christopher. For more, subscribe to her newsletter or connect with her on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Psychology Today, EMDRIA and her personal websites KimSeelbrede.com, Santa Fe Integrative Psychotherapy or Well+Being Blog.

Is Being Too Nice Sabotaging Your Life?

My coaching and therapy clients often express the desire to lead an honest and authentic life. Many are successful, busy and dynamic go-getters. They are also exhausted, frustrated and suffer regular bouts of self-loathing, conflict and anger. Many are people pleasers and believe that they are truly engaging in honest and real relationships. But they are not. They are engaging in acts of self-deception where their "true self," the part of them that holds their real wishes and desires is held hostage by the part of them that wants to please, or in simple language, be NICE.

This pattern is problematic, and you need to know why.  Because it makes you unhappy, and stressed! Your precious time and energy is spent wishing you could undo something, say what you mean, get what you need, say no, speak your mind -- you get the picture. Is that all too familiar "disease to please" and "nice-itis" sabotaging your life?

Your relationships may be suffering because you aren't being honest. You've created an identity that you imagine people want, when in reality, they want the real you. When you say YES, when you really want to say NO, or you don't share your real feelings or disappointment about something, you deprive yourself and them of an honest interaction.

What's behind this behavior? Fear and identity are big drivers. You may fear hurting someone's feelings. But if you withhold honesty, you deprive them of an opportunity to grow and learn, or have a different experience. You've saved yourself some temporary, in-the-moment discomfort, but now you hate yourself. You're tired of your "nice" identity because it creates stress, it makes you cranky and creates more conflicts in your relationships when you have to spend energy trying to "fix" things. But mostly, it just doesn't get you what you want! The takeaway message is that you're not avoiding conflict and tension, you're creating it.

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Kimberly Seelbrede, LCSW is a New York City Psychotherapist + Consultant who splits her time between Manhattan and Santa Fe, providing online therapy to individuals and couples. With extensive training and experience, she provides psychological consultation, psychotherapy, EMDR therapy and executive coaching to a range of clients including VIP's + high-profile clients. As a women's emotional health + relationship expert, her specialties include: anxiety, depression, trauma resolution, addictions, relationship, intimacy and sexual concerns, health + autoimmune issues, loss + grief and women's mentoring. She enjoys writing, photography, yoga, meditation, travel and really good key lime pie. She lives with her husband, psychologist, scholar and mindfulness expert John Chambers Christopher. For more, subscribe to her newsletter or connect with her on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Psychology Today, EMDRIA and her personal websites KimSeelbrede.com, Santa Fe Integrative Psychotherapy or Well+Being Blog.

Healing And Releasing Anger

Anger and negativity often remain long after you leave someone or someone leaves you. Anger is a power emotion. If you want to heal and move on, releasing anger is the only way to really free yourself from the other and release the energetic bind. Sometimes the fear is that if we give up the anger, we lose the connection altogether, and so we unconsciously hold onto the anger to maintain the connection. The questions are: What other ways can you imagine having a connection? What kind of connection do you wish to have? Do you really want to be free?

How have you left things, and are you still connected through anger? 

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Kimberly Seelbrede, LCSW is a New York City Psychotherapist + Consultant who splits her time between Manhattan and Santa Fe, providing online therapy to individuals and couples. With extensive training and experience, she provides psychological consultation, psychotherapy, EMDR therapy and executive coaching to a range of clients including VIP's + high-profile clients. As a women's emotional health + relationship expert, her specialties include: anxiety, depression, trauma resolution, addictions, relationship, intimacy and sexual concerns, health + autoimmune issues, loss + grief and women's mentoring. She enjoys writing, photography, yoga, meditation, travel and really good key lime pie. She lives with her husband, psychologist, scholar and mindfulness expert John Chambers Christopher. For more, subscribe to her newsletter or connect with her on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Psychology Today, EMDRIA and her personal websites KimSeelbrede.com, Santa Fe Integrative Psychotherapy or Well+Being Blog.

Calm Discussions, Cool Heads

Couples, whether romantic or those working with others in partnerships and other kinds of relationship dyads often need skills and tips on how to enter a discussion, and the best strategies for keeping it calm and ultimately successful. While the goal might be to be heard, make a point, right a wrong or solve a problem, many conversations devolve into screaming matches or people end up blowing things up out of frustration, rage or an inability to say "I can't do this right now." At this point, everyone is nowhere. This may be especially helpful as the holidays are just around the corner, which means stress, stress and a sprinkle (or large dose) of family and workplace trauma and drama. Here are some tips on how to keep important discussions from spiraling out of control.

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Kimberly Seelbrede, LCSW is a New York City Psychotherapist + Consultant who splits her time between Manhattan and Santa Fe, providing online therapy to individuals and couples. With extensive training and experience, she provides psychological consultation, psychotherapy, EMDR therapy and executive coaching to a range of clients including VIP's + high-profile clients. As a women's emotional health + relationship expert, her specialties include: anxiety, depression, trauma resolution, addictions, relationship, intimacy and sexual concerns, health + autoimmune issues, loss + grief and women's mentoring. She enjoys writing, photography, yoga, meditation, travel and really good key lime pie. She lives with her husband, psychologist, scholar and mindfulness expert John Chambers Christopher. For more, subscribe to her newsletter or connect with her on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Psychology Today, EMDRIA and her personal websites KimSeelbrede.com, Santa Fe Integrative Psychotherapy or Well+Being Blog.

#shrinkthinks - DBT Shift - You Are Not Your Feelings!

Are you someone who over identifies with your emotions or physical sensations? It's easy, even habitual, to get caught in the tide of strong feelings and emotions. Sometimes they come upon you without warning -- fast and fierce -- leaving you feeling distressed and emotionally dysregulated. You may even feel like you're not in the here and now, but back in the there and then. This feels like something else, some other experience in the past. Emotions can feel strong, and overwhelm, but remember, you are NOT your emotions. To increase your self-esteem and sense of agency, notice when powerful feelings arise within you. Identify what may have triggered this in you. You might typically say "I CAN'T do this. I'm completely overwhelmed." Try a reframe by saying "I FEEL completely overwhelmed." How does this simple shift help? By understanding that "overwhelm" is a feeling, and YOU ARE NOT YOUR FEELINGS. "Feelings" are temporary states, transitory. Feelings pass. Ride it out, or in DBT speak, surf the wave. The psychological impact of this strategic shift can be incredibly helpful. 

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Kimberly Seelbrede, LCSW is a New York City Psychotherapist + Consultant who splits her time between Manhattan and Santa Fe, providing online therapy to individuals and couples. With extensive training and experience, she provides psychological consultation, psychotherapy, EMDR therapy and executive coaching to a range of clients including VIP's + high-profile clients. As a women's emotional health + relationship expert, her specialties include: anxiety, depression, trauma resolution, addictions, relationship, intimacy and sexual concerns, health + autoimmune issues, loss + grief and women's mentoring. She enjoys writing, photography, yoga, meditation, travel and really good key lime pie. She lives with her husband, psychologist, scholar and mindfulness expert John Chambers Christopher. For more, subscribe to her newsletter or connect with her on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Psychology Today, EMDRIA and her personal websites KimSeelbrede.com, Santa Fe Integrative Psychotherapy or Well+Being Blog.

The "Coachable" Client: Is that you?

Are you wondering whether to find a life coach or therapist? It's confusing, I get it! Here are some reasons why life coaching may be the right choice for you. For starters, no digging around in the dense, murky waters of the past for a better understanding of why you do what you do (coaches rarely talk about how mom didn't mirror you enough, or dad was distant and unavailable). There is nothing wrong with psychotherapy, it just may not be your thing. It's not the right choice for everyone, and that's okay! A coach will never ask you to explore this or that, but will ask you evocative questions that help you find your own answers, even uncover your brilliance! Recent issues of Money Magazine, Newsweek and the Wall Street Journal urge professionals to utilize the services of a personal coach. Why? Star athletes have successfully used coaches to increase their focus and to provide the much needed structure, support and accountability to prepare them for competitions. Entrepreneurs, senior executives and political figures

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Kimberly Seelbrede, LCSW is a New York City Psychotherapist + Consultant who splits her time between Manhattan and Santa Fe, providing online therapy to individuals and couples. With extensive training and experience, she provides psychological consultation, psychotherapy, EMDR therapy and executive coaching to a range of clients including VIP's + high-profile clients. As a women's emotional health + relationship expert, her specialties include: anxiety, depression, trauma resolution, addictions, relationship, intimacy and sexual concerns, health + autoimmune issues, loss + grief and women's mentoring. She enjoys writing, photography, yoga, meditation, travel and really good key lime pie. She lives with her husband, psychologist, scholar and mindfulness expert John Chambers Christopher. For more, subscribe to her newsletter or connect with her on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Psychology Today, EMDRIA and her personal websites KimSeelbrede.com, Santa Fe Integrative Psychotherapy or Well+Being Blog.

From Symptoms To Health

My inbox is full of email from people who would like to work on emotional issues as well as find ways to look and feel better! The simple truth is: It's all connected! Mind and body that is. If you aren't eating or moving your body (and from a place of joy!) then all of that mistreatment and negative energy can't be helpful. If you're feeling symptomatic in your body take care of your emotions and address your need for emotional nourishment through loving, supportive relationships and a healthy diet. The body needs to move! Exercise -- yoga, biking, walking and dancing are all good options. Mostly, find movement that makes you happy.  If you're worried about maintaining a youthful face, a few simple changes can go a long way to improving the look and tone of skin, and, provide the added benefits of increased energy and fewer aches and pains. Eating a diet that is “clean” and free of toxins protects the body from damage and future disease. Eating clean, healthy foods increases longevity, and keeps us looking and

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Kimberly Seelbrede, LCSW is a New York City Psychotherapist + Consultant who splits her time between Manhattan and Santa Fe, providing online therapy to individuals and couples. With extensive training and experience, she provides psychological consultation, psychotherapy, EMDR therapy and executive coaching to a range of clients including VIP's + high-profile clients. As a women's emotional health + relationship expert, her specialties include: anxiety, depression, trauma resolution, addictions, relationship, intimacy and sexual concerns, health + autoimmune issues, loss + grief and women's mentoring. She enjoys writing, photography, yoga, meditation, travel and really good key lime pie. She lives with her husband, psychologist, scholar and mindfulness expert John Chambers Christopher. For more, subscribe to her newsletter or connect with her on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Psychology Today, EMDRIA and her personal websites KimSeelbrede.com, Santa Fe Integrative Psychotherapy or Well+Being Blog.

Living Your Dreams

"There is only one thing you should do. Go into yourself. Find out the reason that commands you to write; see whether it has spread its roots into the very depths of your heart; confess to yourself whether you would have to die if you were... forbidden to write. This most of all: ask yourself in the most silent hour of your night: must I write? Dig into yourself for a deep answer. And if this answer rings out in assent, if you meet this solemn question with a strong, simple "I must," then build your life in accordance with this necessity; your whole life, even into its humblest and most indifferent hour, must become a sign and witness to this impulse." ~ Rainer Rilke - Letters To A Young Poet

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Kimberly Seelbrede, LCSW is a New York City Psychotherapist + Consultant who splits her time between Manhattan and Santa Fe, providing online therapy to individuals and couples. With extensive training and experience, she provides psychological consultation, psychotherapy, EMDR therapy and executive coaching to a range of clients including VIP's + high-profile clients. As a women's emotional health + relationship expert, her specialties include: anxiety, depression, trauma resolution, addictions, relationship, intimacy and sexual concerns, health + autoimmune issues, loss + grief and women's mentoring. She enjoys writing, photography, yoga, meditation, travel and really good key lime pie. She lives with her husband, psychologist, scholar and mindfulness expert John Chambers Christopher. For more, subscribe to her newsletter or connect with her on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Psychology Today, EMDRIA and her personal websites KimSeelbrede.com, Santa Fe Integrative Psychotherapy or Well+Being Blog.

Self Care, Self Love

You, like many, may be the foundation in your life, and when you crumble, everything around you falls apart, Does this sound about right? Everyone talks about wellness, but what does that actually mean? Wellness is about taking a pro-active approach,  responsibility for and being accountable for your own state of health. It includes living consciously and with intent. It is working towards the goal of finding a recipe for balance in your life that allows you to fully engage in work, family, relationships and most importantly, your relationship with yourself. If your reserves are depleted, then you cannot work and play at full capacity. Wellness is a choice and making healthier choices is within your control. It is a decision to move toward optimal health and a lifestyle that you design to achieve your highest potential for health and well being. Like most of us, you just need some guidance and support. It's difficult to know where to start on your own and even harder to stay committed and following through with the process.

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Kimberly Seelbrede, LCSW is a New York City Psychotherapist + Consultant who splits her time between Manhattan and Santa Fe, providing online therapy to individuals and couples. With extensive training and experience, she provides psychological consultation, psychotherapy, EMDR therapy and executive coaching to a range of clients including VIP's + high-profile clients. As a women's emotional health + relationship expert, her specialties include: anxiety, depression, trauma resolution, addictions, relationship, intimacy and sexual concerns, health + autoimmune issues, loss + grief and women's mentoring. She enjoys writing, photography, yoga, meditation, travel and really good key lime pie. She lives with her husband, psychologist, scholar and mindfulness expert John Chambers Christopher. For more, subscribe to her newsletter or connect with her on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Psychology Today, EMDRIA and her personal websites KimSeelbrede.com, Santa Fe Integrative Psychotherapy or Well+Being Blog.