Posts tagged divorce
Self-Care :: Support For Traumatic Stress + Loss

Whether you're struggling to manage challenging life-events, a trauma or accident, loss and grief or any kind of transition that causes you distress or destabilization, it's helpful to understand that your feelings, emotions and behaviors are a normal reaction to extreme or disturbing events. As a psychotherapist who uses EMDR therapy, supportive work and a focus on helping clients develop healthier coping skills, I'm happy to share tips to support you as you move through difficult times. What helps?

  • Allow yourself to acknowledge and accept that you're experiencing something difficult and that your reactions are normal, but that you can manage. Remind yourself about how you've handled difficult situations in the past. What healthy skills did you call upon previously to help you cope during stressful times?
  • Ask for help. This is hard for many, but people can be quite kind when it comes to supporting others. This also requires that you allow yourself to receive help and manage feelings of shame related to needing help.
  • Take exquisite care of yourself, when you can. Show self-compassion and practice self-care. Giving yourself permission for a "time out" can help you feel stronger and more resilient
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NYC Online Therapist + Santa Fe Couples and Individual Psychotherapist, Kimberly Seelbrede, MSW, LCSW is a Licensed Psychotherapist, EMDR Therapist, Relationship Expert + Stress/Anxiety Coach who provides Psychological Consultations in-person and online working with individuals and couples. Specialties include: trauma resolution, addictions, anxiety, depression, relationships, creative, VIP + high-profile clients. She enjoys writing, photography, yoga, travel and pie. For more, subscribe to her newsletter or connect with her on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Psychology Today, EMDRIA and her personal website www.kimseelbrede.com or blog.

Dream Guy :: Is He Enough for you?

“He’s THAT guy you dream about,” she writes. I think, yes, seems too good to be true, and will he make you happy? A young bride-to-be recently sent me an email asking if the uber-successful and driven guy can also be "good" at relationships. Good question. It's June, and that means that bells are ringing many towards wedded bliss, but many new brides have been quietly coming to therapy or bringing their special guy in for pre-marital sessions. Hoping I can steer him towards becoming the guy who will be her everything—her knight, the one, her forever and everThe shower, the venue, the dress, the ceremony, the registry—it's all so exciting, and scary, I know. You are of that age, many of your friends are doing it. You tell me "it's time, I don't want to wait. I pass my friends pushing carriages in their yoga clothes and I want that too.”

I want to be happy for you, really I do! But it's painful when I see you both sitting on opposite sides of the couch, trying so hard to make it work. In our work together, we struggle to find shared values and goals, and even qualities that you like about the other, and yet that date is fast approaching. When picking a life partner, fear and desperation are the worst possible reasons to marry. Unfortunately, our society is noisy, as are parents and friends when it comes to marrying sooner rather than later. Concerns about being negatively judged and evaluated by others are but a few of the reasons that so many young women will settle for a less-than-ideal partnership. As I listen to you talk about THAT guy, and as you excitedly tick all the boxes listing his marriage-worthy attributes, something feels wrong, missing. He is perfect on paper. You also raise the concern that he’s demanding and self-centered. His career is everything. Will I be deposited in a suburb somewhere

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NYC Online Therapist + Santa Fe Couples and Individual Psychotherapist, Kimberly Seelbrede, MSW, LCSW is a Licensed Psychotherapist, EMDR Therapist, Relationship Expert + Stress/Anxiety Coach who provides Psychological Consultations in-person and online working with individuals and couples. Specialties include: trauma resolution, addictions, anxiety, depression, relationships, creative, VIP + high-profile clients. She enjoys writing, photography, yoga, travel and pie. For more, subscribe to her newsletter or connect with her on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Psychology Today, EMDRIA and her personal website www.kimseelbrede.com or blog.

#shrinkthinks - Knowing When To Leave

So many people prefer to live in drama because it’s comfortable. It’s like someone staying in a bad marriage or relationship – it’s actually easier to stay because they know what to expect every day, versus leaving and not knowing what to expect. ~Ellen DeGeneres 

It’s not easy exiting a relationship and there are plenty of reasons that people hang in there (children, for instance). It’s scary making the leap into the unknown, but help exists

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NYC Online Therapist + Santa Fe Couples and Individual Psychotherapist, Kimberly Seelbrede, MSW, LCSW is a Licensed Psychotherapist, EMDR Therapist, Relationship Expert + Stress/Anxiety Coach who provides Psychological Consultations in-person and online working with individuals and couples. Specialties include: trauma resolution, addictions, anxiety, depression, relationships, creative, VIP + high-profile clients. She enjoys writing, photography, yoga, travel and pie. For more, subscribe to her newsletter or connect with her on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Psychology Today, EMDRIA and her personal website www.kimseelbrede.com or blog.

The Narcissist as Parent, Spouse or Both

"Narcissism falls along the axis of what psychologists call personality disorders, one of a group that includes antisocial, dependent, histrionic, avoidant and borderline personalities. But by most measures, narcissism is one of the worst, if only because the narcissists themselves are so clueless." ~Jeffrey Kluger 

Many enter therapy because they have been raised by a narcissistic parent or have married a spouse with these traits. Feeling enraged that they must seek treatment, while the other continues to leave a path of pain and destruction in their wake is a common theme for these individuals who seek help.

A hallmark trait of the narcissist is that they lack empathy and are unable to see and respond to the real needs and "self" of the other.

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NYC Online Therapist + Santa Fe Couples and Individual Psychotherapist, Kimberly Seelbrede, MSW, LCSW is a Licensed Psychotherapist, EMDR Therapist, Relationship Expert + Stress/Anxiety Coach who provides Psychological Consultations in-person and online working with individuals and couples. Specialties include: trauma resolution, addictions, anxiety, depression, relationships, creative, VIP + high-profile clients. She enjoys writing, photography, yoga, travel and pie. For more, subscribe to her newsletter or connect with her on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Psychology Today, EMDRIA and her personal website www.kimseelbrede.com or blog.