Posts tagged narcissism
Are You Involved With A Narcissist Or An Emotional Grown-Up?

Do you think or know that you have a narcissist in your life? If so, you are likely to have your share of questions about how to identify, manage, escape from, and avoid future entanglements with narcissistic people. As a psychotherapist, I work with couples and individuals who present with many symptoms of narcissistic abuse or describe patterns of emotional abuse in their primary relationships. It's heartbreaking to come to the realization that years, and even decades, have been spent under the rule of a tyrannical parent or partner. Parents, bosses and partners with narcissistic personality disorder or strong traits have the potential to powerfully and negatively impact your physical and emotional health and wellbeing. You may be traumatized, numb and shut-down from past experiences with family members. You may also find yourself repeating this pattern in your current relationships by seeking out narcissistic partners. And so the neurotic dance of

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NYC + Santa Fe Psychotherapist, Kim Seelbrede, MSW, LCSW is a Licensed Psychotherapist, EMDR Therapist, Relationship Expert + Stress/Anxiety Coach who provides Psychological Consultations in-person and online psychotherapy working with individuals and couples. Specialties include: trauma, addictions, anxiety, depression, relationships, creative, VIP + high-profile clients. She enjoys writing, photography, yoga, travel and pie. For more, subscribe to her newsletter or connect with her on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Psychology Today, EMDRIA and her personal website www.kimseelbrede.com or blog.

Divorcing A Narcissist: How To Protect Yourself From Narcissistic Abuse

In my Manhattan psychotherapy practice working with individuals and couples, many come to the realization that they are involved with or married to a narcissist. As the veil lifts, and they begin to see things more clearly, the clean-up begins. Many of these individuals seem to have charmed lives; idyllic from the outside, but once inside, it looks quite different. What's important to understand is that we are drawn to another for many, often over-determined reasons. The relationship is somehow familiar terrain for us. It's what we know best. Often, it's rooted in an early family dynamic that gets played out again and again. Here is a case example:

A young married woman suspected fairly early into her marriage that her husband was having an affair. There were the usual clumsy clues: the bad-smelling perfume, the hungry-looking marketing girl who anticipated his every need, and the new office rule: no wives at the office holiday party. When confronted, the husband consistently denied his wife's suspicions. The woman knew on some level that she had begun to disappoint her husband. After all, she was a few pounds more than her pre-pregnancy weight and had begun to lose her sparkle. A thin wife was more important than just about anything to him. Narcissists tend to idealize then devalue as a pattern, so it was a fait accompli that the fall would be hard. However, even though she was no longer 25, she was still a beautiful, accomplished and smart woman which made her particularly vulnerable to attracting narcissistic men. The young woman was pregnant when she learned of her husband's affair with his in-house marketing girl.  At work events, the other woman was unable to hide that she was the dirty little secret in their now triangulated life. Perhaps she enjoyed or needed this role -- by wooing this man from his beautiful wife and family, she was mastering early trauma or unmet needs. She felt loved and chosen. Special. it's hard to know for sure, but she was a female "mate poacher," as they say. As is often the case, the betrayed spouse is not the only damaged party; the collateral fallout can be tragic. Children's lives can be destroyed.  
While the pregnant wife spent her weekends in the park with her son (and in partial denial!), her husband stepped-up his golf game. Apparently, 
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NYC + Santa Fe Psychotherapist, Kim Seelbrede, MSW, LCSW is a Licensed Psychotherapist, EMDR Therapist, Relationship Expert + Stress/Anxiety Coach who provides Psychological Consultations in-person and online psychotherapy working with individuals and couples. Specialties include: trauma, addictions, anxiety, depression, relationships, creative, VIP + high-profile clients. She enjoys writing, photography, yoga, travel and pie. For more, subscribe to her newsletter or connect with her on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Psychology Today, EMDRIA and her personal website www.kimseelbrede.com or blog.

The Narcissist as Parent, Spouse or Both

"Narcissism falls along the axis of what psychologists call personality disorders, one of a group that includes antisocial, dependent, histrionic, avoidant and borderline personalities. But by most measures, narcissism is one of the worst, if only because the narcissists themselves are so clueless." ~Jeffrey Kluger 

Many enter therapy because they have been raised by a narcissistic parent or have married a spouse with these traits. Feeling enraged that they must seek treatment, while the other continues to leave a path of pain and destruction in their wake is a common theme for these individuals who seek help.

A hallmark trait of the narcissist is that they lack empathy and are unable to see and respond to the real needs and "self" of the other.

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NYC + Santa Fe Psychotherapist, Kim Seelbrede, MSW, LCSW is a Licensed Psychotherapist, EMDR Therapist, Relationship Expert + Stress/Anxiety Coach who provides Psychological Consultations in-person and online psychotherapy working with individuals and couples. Specialties include: trauma, addictions, anxiety, depression, relationships, creative, VIP + high-profile clients. She enjoys writing, photography, yoga, travel and pie. For more, subscribe to her newsletter or connect with her on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Psychology Today, EMDRIA and her personal website www.kimseelbrede.com or blog.