Posts in Shadow
Guilt Or Shame :: How To Know The Difference

People often confuse guilt with shame. They are complex states, and as a therapist who works with both men and women, shame seems particularly hard for men feel vulnerable enough to identify. And women cover shame in some interesting ways as well. So what are the differences between the two? Guilt is an experience that we have related to something we may have done. “I feel really lousy about my behavior last night, and I’d like to make it better with us.” When we experience guilt, we come to terms with a behavior or problem and work to correct it. Some people don’t actually experience guilt for many reasons, but we can save that for another post.

Shame is complicated and the road to recovery is not so easy. Shame also goes hand in hand with secrecy and sometimes even isolation and despair. People can feel very alone with their shame. Shame reactions, when unmanageable, can even drive some to suicide. Many deal with shame by punishing themselves. Often an individual may have identified with the voices of important others in their development—a parent who projects, or individuals who have been bullied, scapegoated or shamed by others. Some people are sensitive and will “carry” the shame of the family. Therapists see this often.

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Kimberly Seelbrede, LCSW is a New York licensed Psychotherapist and Consultant with extensive training and experience. She provides pscyhological consultation, therapy and coaching to a range of clients including high-profile clients, working in-person, online and worldwide. As an EMDR therapist, couples therapist + women's emotional health expert, her specialties include: anxiety, depression, trauma resolution, addictions, relationship, intimacy and sexual concerns, health + autoimmune issues, loss + grief, creative, VIP + high-profile clients. She enjoys writing, photography, yoga, travel and really good key lime pie. For more, subscribe to her newsletter or connect with her on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Psychology Today, EMDRIA and her personal website www.kimseelbrede.com or blog.

#shrinkthinks :: Your Shadow Side

Embrace it and be free.

One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious. The latter procedure, however, is disagreeable and therefore not popular. -Carl Jung

We avoid our shadow selves by projecting onto others what we most reject about ourselves. We "split-off" or dissociate important aspects of ourselves, our unconscious thoughts, impulses, feelings and drives. In doing so, we develop as poorly integrated humans, out of balance, creating more acceptable (or so we imagine) "personas of light." To our detriment. Our repressed shadow self can become a destructive force, unconsciously driving our behaviors, our lives. What are your fears about connecting to your shadow?

One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious. The latter procedure, however, is disagreeable and therefore not popular. -Carl Jung

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Kimberly Seelbrede, LCSW is a New York licensed Psychotherapist and Consultant with extensive training and experience. She provides pscyhological consultation, therapy and coaching to a range of clients including high-profile clients, working in-person, online and worldwide. As an EMDR therapist, couples therapist + women's emotional health expert, her specialties include: anxiety, depression, trauma resolution, addictions, relationship, intimacy and sexual concerns, health + autoimmune issues, loss + grief, creative, VIP + high-profile clients. She enjoys writing, photography, yoga, travel and really good key lime pie. For more, subscribe to her newsletter or connect with her on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Psychology Today, EMDRIA and her personal website www.kimseelbrede.com or blog.

Gifts From The Universe

No, you can’t always get what you want…

But if you try sometime, you just might find

You get what you need" ~The Rolling Stones

What if many or all of life's obstacles or challenges are placed before us to help us grow and learn--a gift, if you will? When I consider the difficult people or circumstances in my own life--the complicated feelings and emotions that are ignited in me, triggers that I didn't even know existed, I always find that I learn something important about myself. What I choose to do with the information or lesson is a different matter. Life can be messy; the love, the hate, the range between the two extremes, so much confusion, conflict and ambivalence--it's no wonder that it can feel safer to hide and protect yourself, rather than face vulnerability, pain and uncertainty. As protective as this may feel, it keeps your life small, and the many potential opportunities to grow unmet. We are taught that dark feelings and emotions are bad, and that shadow parts of us should be suppressed or disavowed. This is never an effective strategy because it doesn't actually work. Shadow aspects remain, and fester; they will most certainly find their way to the surface in some other form. Embrace the range of your emotions, this will help you feel "whole" and lead a fuller and more authentic life.

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Kimberly Seelbrede, LCSW is a New York licensed Psychotherapist and Consultant with extensive training and experience. She provides pscyhological consultation, therapy and coaching to a range of clients including high-profile clients, working in-person, online and worldwide. As an EMDR therapist, couples therapist + women's emotional health expert, her specialties include: anxiety, depression, trauma resolution, addictions, relationship, intimacy and sexual concerns, health + autoimmune issues, loss + grief, creative, VIP + high-profile clients. She enjoys writing, photography, yoga, travel and really good key lime pie. For more, subscribe to her newsletter or connect with her on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Psychology Today, EMDRIA and her personal website www.kimseelbrede.com or blog.