Couples Therapy

Couples seek therapy for many concerns including money worries, health issues, disagreements about children and infidelity. People may begin to experience disconnection from their partners due to lack of understanding and acceptance, communication problems, stresses outside of the relationship such as work and family, and decreasing passion. Emotionally Focused Therapist  NY

Couples therapy can help you clarify issues, talk through old wounds, improve communication and even rebuild your relationship. Many unhappy couples feel stuck, so the first step is for both partners to acknowledge that they need help. Then each partner must identify their role in and take responsibility for current difficulties. Relationships in crisis often have elements of hidden anger and resentment as well as negative communication patterns. Therefore, a goal is to help couples learn to communicate outside the session in a healthy manner. Most couples find that therapy can help them understand the dynamics of the relationship, see each other as separate individuals and develop the empathy needed to facilitate and sustain a mutually satisfying partnership.

Many couples fear judgment, and that the therapist will take sides or favor one over the other. Therapists are trained to understand this aspect of the treatment so that observations, confrontations, insight, clarifications, validations and any other interventions can be made without unnecessary wounding to either party. Couples therapy helps couples, married or not, gay or straight, understand and resolve conflicts and generally improve their relationship. If you are partnered but at different stages of commitment, you may benefit from communication that builds both tolerance and patience. You will gain the tools to communicate better, problem solve, negotiate and even argue in healthier ways. Below are some common themes that couples bring to sessions:

• As we change and grow as individuals, our relationships change as well. Couples need to learn how to change and flourish together.
• Couples can and do survive, and even thrive, in the aftermath of an affair. Infidelity must be dealt with and efforts to restore trust are a relationship focus.
• Children demand so much of our time, energy and attention that often there is limited time for couples to connect, spend time together, or have sex.
• Couples cannot be complacent about their lack of intimacy – this is a formula for marital disaster.
• Couples need to identify negative patterns that are hindering the quality of the relationship & friendship.
• Partners need to stop blaming each other and work through problems without power struggles.
• Recognize the ‘cause & effect’ patterns in your relationship as they arise.
• Find healthy ways to communicate and relate to each other, which will strengthen the quality of your partnership.
• Find ways to reconnect to the love and passion of your earlier relationship.
  

Kim Seelbrede combines both talk and behavioral techniques as well as Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) during couples therapy teaching couples how to problem solve, observe communication styles, increase intimacy and strengthen the bond. Kim is able to use EMDR for infidelity-related couples therapy targeting the betrayal and sub-clinical PTSD symptoms caused by infidelity.

Premarital Counseling

I’m excited about how popular Premarital Counseling is becoming; I love the work of helping young couples create fulfilling lives together. Premarital counseling allows couples to nip issues and potential problems in the bud, and strengthen the bond as well as clarify goals and values that are important to each member of the couple. In addition to what you bring in, we focus on education and skill building so strong bonds can be formed.

Sexuality 

At some point in a couples’ relationship they may feel, for any number of reasons, that their sex life isn’t as vibrant and satisfying as it could be. Perhaps, things haven’t been sexy for some time. Approximately seventy-five to eighty percent of all adult males and females experience sexual difficulties in their lives. The symptoms may vary but often these problems can be caused by anxiety and stress, lack of sexual knowledge and/or experience, relational difficulties, childhood trauma and physical problems. Through individual and couples therapy, counseling helps people explore and understand the origin of their sexual difficulties, provides specific knowledge about sexual function and suggests methods to increase sexual satisfaction.

Did you know that?

• Low libidos stemming from a variety of causes are claiming the love lives of millions of couples.
• Couples cannot be complacent about their lack of intimacy – this is a formula for disaster.
• Love is not always the issue. Couples need to communicate and compromise when it comes to creating a sex plan.
• Tune in to your partner’s turn-ons. Ask what they enjoy, ask what they need.  It’s not just about you. Feeling sexy and sensuous is a two-person job.
• Sexual desire doesn’t always just happen – you need to make it happen and stoke the flames.
• There are physical health and psychological reasons that we lose desire.
• There are psychological reasons why many individuals never fully connect to their own sexuality. A good therapist can help you explore your defenses or history.

Common sexual problems include:

• One partner desiring sex more than the other partner
• Experiencing pain during intercourse
• Inability to communicate what turns each other on
• Allowing outside stressors to interfere with our ability to become sexually aroused.
• Orgasmic difficulties, either physical or emotional
• Longstanding cultural or familial views about sex as well as psychological history that inhibits sexuality
• Self esteem related to body image or a critical partner who leaves you feeling bad about yourself

Sexual problems need not damage your relationship. Working together we will create a plan to improve your sex life. My approach includes:

• Validation of individuality - It’s important to remember that our sexuality is unique and there is no objective standard with respect to the needs of men and women.  This includes individual preferences, intensity, duration and frequency. If your sex life works for you and your partner, then you should not worry about what another couple is doing. If, however, you feel dissatisfied with your sex life, in any way, you may want to consider exploring the root causes and how to make improvements.
• Assessing and exploring the causes of difficulties -  It is important to determine whether your sexual issues are a result of other problems in the relationship, or are they purely sexual or technical in nature? Has something about your relationship changed? Once these answers are determined we will create a plan to change and improve the way in which you relate sexually.
• The process of education and reeducation - Men and women tend to define and experience sex in different ways. How did we learn to give and receive pleasure? What don’t we know or understand about the mechanics of how bodies work? How are we similar? How are men and women different?
• Past messages can affect your sex life - We are greatly affected by the early messages we received from our family, our culture and our religion. From a very young age we are flooded with images and notions of what our bodies “should” look like and how we behave sexually. To truly enjoy sex, we may need to free ourselves of preconceived ideas about beauty and sex and learn what feels sensuous and good to us and what we enjoy. Together we will discuss and explore your feelings about sexuality, teasing out any issues that could be holding you back from experiencing great sex.

Together we will create a recovery plan in therapy. Our consultation time is a place where we can discuss different styles, interventions and techniques. It’s time to make a conscious decision to recommit to moving sex higher on the priority list. Learn to get creative with your sex life, whatever that may mean for you. Discover new ways to put some fun, energy and excitement into your relationship. Give yourself permission to have a rich fantasy life and explore each other’s fantasies any way you can. Communicate, explore, play, have fun and be creative. We are sexual beings and sensual and sexual expression generalizes in a positive way to enrich many aspects of our lives. Sex therapy never involves direct sexual experience in the therapist’s office. Through individual and couples therapy, sex therapy helps people explore and understand the origin of their sexual difficulties, provides specific knowledge about sexual function and suggests methods to increase sexual satisfaction.

Kim Seelbrede is a psychotherapist, EMDR therapist and integrative therapist with a private practice in New York City. In her Manhattan therapy practice, Kim has experience addressing the following concerns: relationships, marital difficulties, divorce, parenting, career, professional performance enhancement, anxiety, panic disorder, OCD, depression, loss/grief, adolescent psychotherapy, underachievement, perfectionism, identity issues, LGBT, body image, eating disorders, addiction, substance abuse, sexuality, PTSD, trauma, stress reduction, transitions, life purpose, health concerns, women’s issues, therapy for men, pain management and wellness. Kim Seelbrede has advanced training in EMDR therapy and Brainspotting and uses it with clients who prefer to work in this way, or when she feels it is a technique that will be helpful for the client. Clients include CEOS, senior executives, entrepreneurs, financial analysts, performers and creative individuals with a focus on helping them identify and remove barriers to success and happiness. Kim Seelbrede offers adjunctive EMDR, meditation and yoga therapy to medical and mental health professionals in New York City. To learn more about her psychotherapy approach, visit her therapy website at www.kimseelbrede.com call 646.248.9196 or email.

Kim holds a master’s degree in social work from New York University (MSW) and received advanced post-graduate training in psychodynamic psychotherapy and cognitive behavior therapy (CBT)  from New York University. Kim uses an eclectic approach which draws from attachment theory, object relations theory, self-psychology, ego-psychology, family systems, CBT, crisis counseling and solution-focused therapy with her clients as needed. Kim has pursued advanced education in the fields of psychology, wellness and complementary health care for nearly 10 years.  Kim draws from extensive education and life experiences including training from the Urban Zen Integrative Therapist Program (UZIT) during which she completed clinical rotations working directly with cancer and surgical patients at Hope Lodge and at Beth Israel Medical Center and has studied nutritional theories from leading experts in the field. Kim Seelbrede is an integrative healthcare blogger for the Urban Zen Foundation.

In her separate integrative therapy practice Kim Seelbrede works with healthy clients as well as clients facing and managing health challenges. Kim collaborates with health care providers and can provide support with the following techniques:  gentle yoga movement, restorative yoga poses, stress reduction, breath awareness (pranayama), controlled breathing techniques, guided imagery, meditation, nutrition, essential oil treatment (aromatherapy), Reiki, life coaching and contemplative care. All of these unique integrative therapy modalities provide a gentle and balanced approach to the following concerns:  pain, anxiety, nausea, insomnia, digestive issues, fatigue and serious chronic illness. Please email or call Kim 646.248.9196 with questions or to arrange a consultation in her Manhattan office. For more information about her holistic integrative therapy practice visit her at www.nyintegrativetherapy.com  follow Kim Seelbrede’s psychology, yoga and health-related tweets on Twitter or friend her onFacebook.

Kim Seelbrede offers adjunctive EMDR, meditation and yoga therapy to medical and mental health professionals in New York City.