Sensuality

Say the word "sensuality" and most people think of sex.  Many of us confuse the terms sensuality and sexuality. Certainly, there are areas of overlap but they are not the same.  For instance, one might wish to be a sensual lover, to bring one's sensual nature into the lovemaking process, in essence merging the sensual with the sexual experience. Sensuality is a key ingredient for rich sexual expression. However, while sensuality seems essential to good sex, sexuality is not the only arena for sensual expression. Sensuality is something much broader. It begins with a heightened awareness of life around you, feeling present and exploring your five senses. If you focus on your sensual nature, you can make everything you do a sensual experience: enjoying your cup of tea or eating, feeling the earth beneath you, noticing the breeze on your face, meditating and breathing consciously, fabric on your skin...you get the idea. It is life. Sensuality encompasses the exploration and experiencing of all our senses. For some, it comes naturally and if you are attuned, you notice someone who is sensual by nature. Sensual people are often drawn to other sensual people.  Many have to work at heightening their senses and developing this aspect of their nature. Learn to explore the beauty in the simple tasks of life. This can only serve to enhance your sexuality.

Sexuality

Did you know that?

  • Low libidos stemming from a variety of causes are claiming the love lives of millions of couples.
  • Couples cannot be complacent about their lack of intimacy – this is a formula for disaster.
  • Love is not always the issue. Couples need to communicate and compromise when it comes to creating a sex plan.
  • Tune in to your partner’s turn-ons. Ask what they enjoy, ask what they need.  It's not just about you. Feeling sexy and sensuous is a two-person job.
  • Sexual desire doesn’t always just happen – you need to make it happen and stoke the flames.
  • There are physical health and psychological reasons that we lose desire.
  • There are psychological reasons why many individuals never fully connect to their own sexuality. A good therapist can help you explore your defenses or history.

At some point in a couples’ relationship they may feel, for any number of reasons, that their sex life isn't as vibrant and satisfying as it could be. Perhaps, things haven't been sexy for some time. Sexual problems are so prevalent, that nearly two thirds of all men and women will experience them at some point.

Common sexual problems include:

  • One partner desiring sex more than the other partner
  • Experiencing pain during intercourse
  • Inability to communicate what turns each other on
  • Allowing outside stressors to interfere with our ability to become sexually aroused.
  • Orgasmic difficulties, either physical or emotional
  • Longstanding cultural or familial views about sex as well as psychological history that inhibits sexuality
  • Self esteem related to body image or a critical partner who leaves you feeling bad about yourself

Sexual problems need not damage your relationship. Working together we will create a plan to improve your sex life. My approach includes:

  • Validation of individuality - It’s important to remember that our sexuality is unique and there is no objective standard with respect to the needs of men and women.  This includes individual preferences, intensity, duration and frequency. If your sex life works for you and your partner, then you should not worry about what another couple is doing. If, however, you feel dissatisfied with your sex life, in any way, you may want to consider exploring the root causes and how to make improvements.
  • Assessing and exploring the causes of difficulties -  It is important to determine whether your sexual issues are a result of other problems in the relationship, or are they purely sexual or technical in nature? Has something about your relationship changed? Once these answers are determined we will create a plan to change and improve the way in which you relate sexually.
  • The process of education and reeducation - Men and women tend to define and experience sex in different ways. How did we learn to give and receive pleasure? What don't we know or understand about the mechanics of how bodies work? How are we similar? How are men and women different?
  • Past messages can affect your sex life - We are greatly affected by the early messages we received from our family, our culture and our religion. From a very young age we are flooded with images and notions of what our bodies "should" look like and how we behave sexually. To truly enjoy sex, we may need to free ourselves of preconceived ideas about beauty and sex and learn what feels sensuous and good to us and what we enjoy. Together we will discuss and explore your feelings about sexuality, teasing out any issues that could be holding you back from experiencing great sex.

Together we will Create a recovery plan. Our consultation time is a place where we can discuss different styles, interventions and techniques. It’s time to make a conscious decision to recommit to moving sex higher on the priority list. Learn to get creative with your sex life, whatever that may mean for you. Discover new ways to put some fun, energy and excitement into your relationship. Give yourself permission to have a rich fantasy life and explore each other's fantasies any way you can. Communicate, explore, play, have fun and be creative. We are sexual beings and sensual and sexual expression generalizes in a positive way to enrich many aspects of our lives.

In no instance will a therapist conducting sex counseling engage in any kind of sexual activity with a therapy patient/client, whether in the office or in any location.  To do so is a breach of ethics.