Don't Miss Bids For Emotional Communication In Relationships

Wow, this is some statistic! Men headed for divorce disregarded their wives' "bids" for affection and attention 82% of the time while men in happy marriages disregard their wives' "bids" only 19% of the time, according to John Gottman and research colleagues at the University of Washington. 

What exactly is a "bid?" A bid can be a look, a gesture, a question, spoken words, a touch or any acknowledgement that asks for "connection" with the other. Looking for grand gestures may leave you feeling lonely and disconnected even in the context of important relationships. Bids are frequently small and mundane -- easily overlooked, in other words. A response to your partner's bid is a negative or positive response to the request for emotional connection. The more positive bids that you have accumulated by responding respectfully and lovingly to the other, the more money you will have in the "emotional bank account." The reserve comes in handy during hardship. 

This tip is not just for couples. Bids improve any significant relationship including those with children, friends, colleagues and bosses. 

Excerpts from The Relationship Cure, John M. Gottman, PhD  

Kimberly Seelbrede, LCSW is a licensed Psychotherapist, EMDR Therapist and Personal Coach with a private practice in New York City. As a clinician who is passionate about the interplay between mind and body, she practices mind-body psychotherapy, providing holistic counseling and coaching for her clients. Her counseling modalities include: psychoanalytic psychotherapy EMDR therapy, CBT, DBT, mindfulness, crisis counseling and coaching with expertise in anxiety, depression, pain and chronic disease management, eating disorders (anorexia, binge eating, bulimia), addictions, alcoholism, trauma resolution, relationship + marital difficulties, women's issues (postpartum depression, new parent, divorce, separation, hormone imbalance), performance blocks, self-defeating behaviors, loss, grief, loneliness, self-esteem issues, post-rehab support and sexual problems. Via Skype, Kim Seelbrede provides life coaching, executive, personal and career coaching. Kim Seelbrede works with celebrities and high-profile individuals as well as high-level entrepreneurs and Fortune 500 executives around the world including London, Hong Kong, New York, Los Angeles, San Francisco, Boston, Connecticut and Washington. Her professional personal and executive coaching services are tailored to each clients individual needs and targets concerns such as feeling stagnate and stuck, self-assertion, self-sabotage, substance abuse, pain management, chronic illness, work/life balance, performance problems, communication challenges, anxiety and stress management/reduction.

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