Posts tagged #therapytips
Holiday Chaos Survival Tips For Couples :: Because Murder Is Not An Option

As a therapist who enjoys providing marriage and couples therapy, I've made the observation that partners struggle to work as a team during the busy, stress-filled and conflict-ridden holiday season. Feeling torn with competing interests such as family needs, travel and extra demands on time and energy can bring many to exasperation and exhaustion. If you tend to suffer because of your "people pleasing" nature and an inability to say NO, protecting your boundaries or creating healthy boundaries for yourself (perhaps you're new at this?) can be a real challenge.

Don't suffer in silence, or loudness. Many couples and partners enter marriage and family counseling after the holiday season because they feel disconnected, hurt and misunderstood, in addition to a range of other experiences, including losing once-enjoyed intimacy. Being in the company of family and friends can trigger feelings of resentment, reignite old wounds as well as highlight family of origin issues--leaving even high-functioning couples feeling de-skilled and in need of help to sort through the chaos.  

So, how do you reconnect after fighting, communication problems and hurt feelings? Having some simple tools at your ready can help you avoid the downward spiral. What follows are

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Kimberly Seelbrede, LCSW is a New York City Psychotherapist + Consultant who splits her time between Manhattan and Santa Fe, providing online therapy to individuals and couples. With extensive training and experience, she provides psychological consultation, psychotherapy, EMDR therapy and executive coaching to a range of clients including VIP's + high-profile clients. As a women's emotional health + relationship expert, her specialties include: anxiety, depression, trauma resolution, addictions, relationship, intimacy and sexual concerns, health + autoimmune issues, loss + grief and women's mentoring. She enjoys writing, photography, yoga, meditation, travel and really good key lime pie. She lives with her husband, psychologist, scholar and mindfulness expert John Chambers Christopher. For more, subscribe to her newsletter or connect with her on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Psychology Today, EMDRIA and her personal websites KimSeelbrede.com, Santa Fe Integrative Psychotherapy or Well+Being Blog.

#shrinkthinks - DBT Shift - You Are Not Your Feelings!

Are you someone who over identifies with your emotions or physical sensations? It's easy, even habitual, to get caught in the tide of strong feelings and emotions. Sometimes they come upon you without warning -- fast and fierce -- leaving you feeling distressed and emotionally dysregulated. You may even feel like you're not in the here and now, but back in the there and then. This feels like something else, some other experience in the past. Emotions can feel strong, and overwhelm, but remember, you are NOT your emotions. To increase your self-esteem and sense of agency, notice when powerful feelings arise within you. Identify what may have triggered this in you. You might typically say "I CAN'T do this. I'm completely overwhelmed." Try a reframe by saying "I FEEL completely overwhelmed." How does this simple shift help? By understanding that "overwhelm" is a feeling, and YOU ARE NOT YOUR FEELINGS. "Feelings" are temporary states, transitory. Feelings pass. Ride it out, or in DBT speak, surf the wave. The psychological impact of this strategic shift can be incredibly helpful. 

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Kimberly Seelbrede, LCSW is a New York City Psychotherapist + Consultant who splits her time between Manhattan and Santa Fe, providing online therapy to individuals and couples. With extensive training and experience, she provides psychological consultation, psychotherapy, EMDR therapy and executive coaching to a range of clients including VIP's + high-profile clients. As a women's emotional health + relationship expert, her specialties include: anxiety, depression, trauma resolution, addictions, relationship, intimacy and sexual concerns, health + autoimmune issues, loss + grief and women's mentoring. She enjoys writing, photography, yoga, meditation, travel and really good key lime pie. She lives with her husband, psychologist, scholar and mindfulness expert John Chambers Christopher. For more, subscribe to her newsletter or connect with her on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Psychology Today, EMDRIA and her personal websites KimSeelbrede.com, Santa Fe Integrative Psychotherapy or Well+Being Blog.

#shrinkthinks - What's Your Story?

I never get what I want... 

Nothing ever works out for me... 

I can't do this... 

What's your story? When you use "limited thinking" you may find that your mind begins to shape your reality. Learn to notice just how often these thoughts show up in your daily life. When they appear, ask yourself, "Is this really true and accurate?" Your real truth may be quite different from the story you habitually tell yourself. Learn to ground yourself in what's accurate and true, and the stories you tell yourself may, in time, become more positive and hopeful. #shrinkthinks

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Kimberly Seelbrede, LCSW is a New York City Psychotherapist + Consultant who splits her time between Manhattan and Santa Fe, providing online therapy to individuals and couples. With extensive training and experience, she provides psychological consultation, psychotherapy, EMDR therapy and executive coaching to a range of clients including VIP's + high-profile clients. As a women's emotional health + relationship expert, her specialties include: anxiety, depression, trauma resolution, addictions, relationship, intimacy and sexual concerns, health + autoimmune issues, loss + grief and women's mentoring. She enjoys writing, photography, yoga, meditation, travel and really good key lime pie. She lives with her husband, psychologist, scholar and mindfulness expert John Chambers Christopher. For more, subscribe to her newsletter or connect with her on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Psychology Today, EMDRIA and her personal websites KimSeelbrede.com, Santa Fe Integrative Psychotherapy or Well+Being Blog.

#shrinkthinks - Questions Of The Heart

Questions of the heart: Can I be hungry and experience desire? Can I be hungry for love?  Can I desire work and success? Can I allow myself to be nourished by food? Can I experience pleasure and Joy? Can I feel connected and loved by others? Can I feel powerful and effective without feeling guilty? Is it safe for you to feel full, nourished, effective and powerful?

If not, Why?

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Kimberly Seelbrede, LCSW is a New York City Psychotherapist + Consultant who splits her time between Manhattan and Santa Fe, providing online therapy to individuals and couples. With extensive training and experience, she provides psychological consultation, psychotherapy, EMDR therapy and executive coaching to a range of clients including VIP's + high-profile clients. As a women's emotional health + relationship expert, her specialties include: anxiety, depression, trauma resolution, addictions, relationship, intimacy and sexual concerns, health + autoimmune issues, loss + grief and women's mentoring. She enjoys writing, photography, yoga, meditation, travel and really good key lime pie. She lives with her husband, psychologist, scholar and mindfulness expert John Chambers Christopher. For more, subscribe to her newsletter or connect with her on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Psychology Today, EMDRIA and her personal websites KimSeelbrede.com, Santa Fe Integrative Psychotherapy or Well+Being Blog.

#shrinkthinks - Practice Radical Acceptance

 

Develop complete acceptance from within...

This week, as we reviewed distress tolerance and handling difficult emotions in my eating disorder seminar, I was reminded of the concept of "radical acceptance." What does radical acceptance look like?

1.  Learning to develop complete acceptance that comes from within.  

2.  Understand that painful emotions are a part of life -- they are normal and to be accepted. 

3.   Stop fighting (both emotionally and behaviorally).  Learn to accept difficult emotions as a normal part of being human. 

Try these strategies borrowed from DBT Therapy: IMPROVE  the moment

I          Imagery – e.g. visualize yourself in a safe place 

M         Find some meaning in the situation

P         Prayer (what ever form that takes for you) meditation, spirituality, affirmations

R         Relaxation

O         One thing at a time

V         Vacation – take some time out of the situation, "me" time, or imagine
            yourself in an idyllic situation
E         Encouragement – use positive and calming self talk

Go ahead -- try something different!

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Kimberly Seelbrede, LCSW is a New York City Psychotherapist + Consultant who splits her time between Manhattan and Santa Fe, providing online therapy to individuals and couples. With extensive training and experience, she provides psychological consultation, psychotherapy, EMDR therapy and executive coaching to a range of clients including VIP's + high-profile clients. As a women's emotional health + relationship expert, her specialties include: anxiety, depression, trauma resolution, addictions, relationship, intimacy and sexual concerns, health + autoimmune issues, loss + grief and women's mentoring. She enjoys writing, photography, yoga, meditation, travel and really good key lime pie. She lives with her husband, psychologist, scholar and mindfulness expert John Chambers Christopher. For more, subscribe to her newsletter or connect with her on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Psychology Today, EMDRIA and her personal websites KimSeelbrede.com, Santa Fe Integrative Psychotherapy or Well+Being Blog.

#shrinkthinks - Accept Yourself

Accept Yourself.

When I accept myself I am freed from the burden of needing you to accept me.

-Steve Maraboli

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Kimberly Seelbrede, LCSW is a New York City Psychotherapist + Consultant who splits her time between Manhattan and Santa Fe, providing online therapy to individuals and couples. With extensive training and experience, she provides psychological consultation, psychotherapy, EMDR therapy and executive coaching to a range of clients including VIP's + high-profile clients. As a women's emotional health + relationship expert, her specialties include: anxiety, depression, trauma resolution, addictions, relationship, intimacy and sexual concerns, health + autoimmune issues, loss + grief and women's mentoring. She enjoys writing, photography, yoga, meditation, travel and really good key lime pie. She lives with her husband, psychologist, scholar and mindfulness expert John Chambers Christopher. For more, subscribe to her newsletter or connect with her on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Psychology Today, EMDRIA and her personal websites KimSeelbrede.com, Santa Fe Integrative Psychotherapy or Well+Being Blog.

#shrinkthinks - Scan For The Good

Instead of looking for problems, scan for areas of acceptance and gratitude.

When you have a crabby habit of mind, you often try to correct imperfect situations and you get overly concerned with other people's faults. You then may do your fair share of "turning against" the "bids" of others. You scan the world for evidence to justify your reactions. (You left the milk out again!) - John Gottman 

Some people have a chemical imbalance and may need an antidepressant to improve their mood and chronic irritability, while others need to change the way they respond to triggers and happenings in the environment. 

If this describes you, try this shift: Instead of looking for problems, scan for areas of acceptance and gratitude. 

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Kimberly Seelbrede, LCSW is a New York City Psychotherapist + Consultant who splits her time between Manhattan and Santa Fe, providing online therapy to individuals and couples. With extensive training and experience, she provides psychological consultation, psychotherapy, EMDR therapy and executive coaching to a range of clients including VIP's + high-profile clients. As a women's emotional health + relationship expert, her specialties include: anxiety, depression, trauma resolution, addictions, relationship, intimacy and sexual concerns, health + autoimmune issues, loss + grief and women's mentoring. She enjoys writing, photography, yoga, meditation, travel and really good key lime pie. She lives with her husband, psychologist, scholar and mindfulness expert John Chambers Christopher. For more, subscribe to her newsletter or connect with her on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Psychology Today, EMDRIA and her personal websites KimSeelbrede.com, Santa Fe Integrative Psychotherapy or Well+Being Blog.

#shrinkthinks - Share The Care

Show more love...

According to John Gottman, positive communication in a successful marriage (or relationship I'd add) includes showing interest, showing that you care, showing concern and empathy, and being accepting, even when you don’t necessarily agree with your partner. Give it a try!

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Kimberly Seelbrede, LCSW is a New York City Psychotherapist + Consultant who splits her time between Manhattan and Santa Fe, providing online therapy to individuals and couples. With extensive training and experience, she provides psychological consultation, psychotherapy, EMDR therapy and executive coaching to a range of clients including VIP's + high-profile clients. As a women's emotional health + relationship expert, her specialties include: anxiety, depression, trauma resolution, addictions, relationship, intimacy and sexual concerns, health + autoimmune issues, loss + grief and women's mentoring. She enjoys writing, photography, yoga, meditation, travel and really good key lime pie. She lives with her husband, psychologist, scholar and mindfulness expert John Chambers Christopher. For more, subscribe to her newsletter or connect with her on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Psychology Today, EMDRIA and her personal websites KimSeelbrede.com, Santa Fe Integrative Psychotherapy or Well+Being Blog.

#shrinkthinks - Experiences Matter More

Experiences matter more...

The lights, shiny objects and material finds are tempting during the holidays, but do possessions really make us happy? No, says research by Cornell Psychology Professor Thomas Gilovich and colleagues. In fact, their work tells us that experiences, not possessions are the path to happiness. Positive experiences linger long after gifts have lost their appeal. What experiences hold a special place in your heart?

Something to think about. Have a mindfully-experienced holiday. 

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Kimberly Seelbrede, LCSW is a New York City Psychotherapist + Consultant who splits her time between Manhattan and Santa Fe, providing online therapy to individuals and couples. With extensive training and experience, she provides psychological consultation, psychotherapy, EMDR therapy and executive coaching to a range of clients including VIP's + high-profile clients. As a women's emotional health + relationship expert, her specialties include: anxiety, depression, trauma resolution, addictions, relationship, intimacy and sexual concerns, health + autoimmune issues, loss + grief and women's mentoring. She enjoys writing, photography, yoga, meditation, travel and really good key lime pie. She lives with her husband, psychologist, scholar and mindfulness expert John Chambers Christopher. For more, subscribe to her newsletter or connect with her on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Psychology Today, EMDRIA and her personal websites KimSeelbrede.com, Santa Fe Integrative Psychotherapy or Well+Being Blog.

#shrinkthinks - It's A New Day
Every day (or moment) is an opportunity for a fresh start. 

Whatever dynamic you find yourself playing out with yourself, a loved-one or a work colleague, pause, notice it and hit the reset button.  Fresh start. Notice what you're doing by making a non-judgmental observation. "Oh, this is happening again -- familiar stuff -- I'm feeling triggered!" Perhaps your triggering the other and the dance begins. Shift. Take some space if you need to. The point is... do something different. Don't engage or allow yourself to be pulled-in -- as tempting as it may be -- and stop the bleeding in the moment. This tactic is especially helpful with couples and during the frenetic holiday season. Time spent with family can increase levels of stress, feelings get hurt and destructive behaviours may escalate. (alcohol doesn't help folks!) People tend to regress in response to stress and old patterns -- early dynamics are played out -- in full force. The image of two tarantulas in a jar comes to mind.

It's a new day.
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Kimberly Seelbrede, LCSW is a New York City Psychotherapist + Consultant who splits her time between Manhattan and Santa Fe, providing online therapy to individuals and couples. With extensive training and experience, she provides psychological consultation, psychotherapy, EMDR therapy and executive coaching to a range of clients including VIP's + high-profile clients. As a women's emotional health + relationship expert, her specialties include: anxiety, depression, trauma resolution, addictions, relationship, intimacy and sexual concerns, health + autoimmune issues, loss + grief and women's mentoring. She enjoys writing, photography, yoga, meditation, travel and really good key lime pie. She lives with her husband, psychologist, scholar and mindfulness expert John Chambers Christopher. For more, subscribe to her newsletter or connect with her on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Psychology Today, EMDRIA and her personal websites KimSeelbrede.com, Santa Fe Integrative Psychotherapy or Well+Being Blog.