Posts tagged couples therapy
Healing And Releasing Anger

Anger and negativity often remain long after you leave someone or someone leaves you. Anger is a power emotion. If you want to heal and move on, releasing anger is the only way to really free yourself from the other and release the energetic bind. Sometimes the fear is that if we give up the anger, we lose the connection altogether, and so we unconsciously hold onto the anger to maintain the connection. The questions are: What other ways can you imagine having a connection? What kind of connection do you wish to have? Do you really want to be free?

How have you left things, and are you still connected through anger? 

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Kimberly Seelbrede, LCSW is a New York City Psychotherapist + Consultant who splits her time between Manhattan and Santa Fe, providing online therapy to individuals and couples. With extensive training and experience, she provides psychological consultation, psychotherapy, EMDR therapy and executive coaching to a range of clients including VIP's + high-profile clients. As a women's emotional health + relationship expert, her specialties include: anxiety, depression, trauma resolution, addictions, relationship, intimacy and sexual concerns, health + autoimmune issues, loss + grief and women's mentoring. She enjoys writing, photography, yoga, meditation, travel and really good key lime pie. She lives with her husband, psychologist, scholar and mindfulness expert John Chambers Christopher. For more, subscribe to her newsletter or connect with her on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Psychology Today, EMDRIA and her personal websites KimSeelbrede.com, Santa Fe Integrative Psychotherapy or Well+Being Blog.

Coping With Relationship Heartbreak

Breakups are painful. The reasons for the relationship split seem to matter less than the fact that your world has changed and all kinds of uncomfortable feelings and emotions are being triggered. You can learn from this experience and come through it wiser and stronger, and hopefully, with a heart open enough to receive love and hope for the future.

Even though the relationship no longer works, why do breakups hurt so much? When marriages or relationships end, it is not just about grieving the loss of the connection, but the end of shared hopes and dreams. Hope is an important aspect of early romantic relationships. Couples mourn the hope for the future as well as the commitment of shared goals and dreams. 

Other important losses include one's identity, physical and sexual intimacy,

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Kimberly Seelbrede, LCSW is a New York City Psychotherapist + Consultant who splits her time between Manhattan and Santa Fe, providing online therapy to individuals and couples. With extensive training and experience, she provides psychological consultation, psychotherapy, EMDR therapy and executive coaching to a range of clients including VIP's + high-profile clients. As a women's emotional health + relationship expert, her specialties include: anxiety, depression, trauma resolution, addictions, relationship, intimacy and sexual concerns, health + autoimmune issues, loss + grief and women's mentoring. She enjoys writing, photography, yoga, meditation, travel and really good key lime pie. She lives with her husband, psychologist, scholar and mindfulness expert John Chambers Christopher. For more, subscribe to her newsletter or connect with her on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Psychology Today, EMDRIA and her personal websites KimSeelbrede.com, Santa Fe Integrative Psychotherapy or Well+Being Blog.

#shrinkthinks - It's A New Day
Every day (or moment) is an opportunity for a fresh start. 

Whatever dynamic you find yourself playing out with yourself, a loved-one or a work colleague, pause, notice it and hit the reset button.  Fresh start. Notice what you're doing by making a non-judgmental observation. "Oh, this is happening again -- familiar stuff -- I'm feeling triggered!" Perhaps your triggering the other and the dance begins. Shift. Take some space if you need to. The point is... do something different. Don't engage or allow yourself to be pulled-in -- as tempting as it may be -- and stop the bleeding in the moment. This tactic is especially helpful with couples and during the frenetic holiday season. Time spent with family can increase levels of stress, feelings get hurt and destructive behaviours may escalate. (alcohol doesn't help folks!) People tend to regress in response to stress and old patterns -- early dynamics are played out -- in full force. The image of two tarantulas in a jar comes to mind.

It's a new day.
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Kimberly Seelbrede, LCSW is a New York City Psychotherapist + Consultant who splits her time between Manhattan and Santa Fe, providing online therapy to individuals and couples. With extensive training and experience, she provides psychological consultation, psychotherapy, EMDR therapy and executive coaching to a range of clients including VIP's + high-profile clients. As a women's emotional health + relationship expert, her specialties include: anxiety, depression, trauma resolution, addictions, relationship, intimacy and sexual concerns, health + autoimmune issues, loss + grief and women's mentoring. She enjoys writing, photography, yoga, meditation, travel and really good key lime pie. She lives with her husband, psychologist, scholar and mindfulness expert John Chambers Christopher. For more, subscribe to her newsletter or connect with her on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Psychology Today, EMDRIA and her personal websites KimSeelbrede.com, Santa Fe Integrative Psychotherapy or Well+Being Blog.

#shrinkthinks - Listen To Understand

"Hear" and "validate" first before you rush to offer a solution.

When someone comes to you with a problem, they want something in return, and it's not always what you imagine. How often do you rush to "solve the problem" or "give advice" when a friend or partner has an issue? According to Dr. Haim Ginott, “Understanding must precede advice.” The seeker likely hopes to be "heard" and "understood" by you first. Practical advice or a solution to their problem can follow a compassionate initial response. Validate emotions. They are all valid!

 

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Kimberly Seelbrede, LCSW is a New York City Psychotherapist + Consultant who splits her time between Manhattan and Santa Fe, providing online therapy to individuals and couples. With extensive training and experience, she provides psychological consultation, psychotherapy, EMDR therapy and executive coaching to a range of clients including VIP's + high-profile clients. As a women's emotional health + relationship expert, her specialties include: anxiety, depression, trauma resolution, addictions, relationship, intimacy and sexual concerns, health + autoimmune issues, loss + grief and women's mentoring. She enjoys writing, photography, yoga, meditation, travel and really good key lime pie. She lives with her husband, psychologist, scholar and mindfulness expert John Chambers Christopher. For more, subscribe to her newsletter or connect with her on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Psychology Today, EMDRIA and her personal websites KimSeelbrede.com, Santa Fe Integrative Psychotherapy or Well+Being Blog.

Relationship Tune-Up: Yep, There's An App For That

If you are a couple, and are both interested in exploring ways to get to know your partner better, then have a look at these iPhone apps. They come to you from my favorite relationship experts and researchers John and Julie Gottman of The Gottman Institute. These folks study not only couples in trouble "disasters" but happy relationships or "masters" couples, and share their findings with you and the therapists who train with them. So make deposits in the love bank and strengthen your foundation as you hit the LOVE button on these awesome Gottman iPhone apps all inspired by decades of research!

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Kimberly Seelbrede, LCSW is a New York City Psychotherapist + Consultant who splits her time between Manhattan and Santa Fe, providing online therapy to individuals and couples. With extensive training and experience, she provides psychological consultation, psychotherapy, EMDR therapy and executive coaching to a range of clients including VIP's + high-profile clients. As a women's emotional health + relationship expert, her specialties include: anxiety, depression, trauma resolution, addictions, relationship, intimacy and sexual concerns, health + autoimmune issues, loss + grief and women's mentoring. She enjoys writing, photography, yoga, meditation, travel and really good key lime pie. She lives with her husband, psychologist, scholar and mindfulness expert John Chambers Christopher. For more, subscribe to her newsletter or connect with her on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Psychology Today, EMDRIA and her personal websites KimSeelbrede.com, Santa Fe Integrative Psychotherapy or Well+Being Blog.

#shrinkthinks - To Be A Parent

Adults constantly raise the bar on smart children, precisely because they're able to handle it. The children get overwhelmed by the tasks in front of them and gradually lose the sort of openness and sense of accomplishment they innately have. When they're treated like that, children start to crawl inside a shell and keep everything inside. It takes a lot of time and effort to get them to open up again. Kids' hearts are malleable, but once they gel it's hard to get them back the way they were. ~Haruki Murakami, Kafka on the Shore

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Kimberly Seelbrede, LCSW is a New York City Psychotherapist + Consultant who splits her time between Manhattan and Santa Fe, providing online therapy to individuals and couples. With extensive training and experience, she provides psychological consultation, psychotherapy, EMDR therapy and executive coaching to a range of clients including VIP's + high-profile clients. As a women's emotional health + relationship expert, her specialties include: anxiety, depression, trauma resolution, addictions, relationship, intimacy and sexual concerns, health + autoimmune issues, loss + grief and women's mentoring. She enjoys writing, photography, yoga, meditation, travel and really good key lime pie. She lives with her husband, psychologist, scholar and mindfulness expert John Chambers Christopher. For more, subscribe to her newsletter or connect with her on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Psychology Today, EMDRIA and her personal websites KimSeelbrede.com, Santa Fe Integrative Psychotherapy or Well+Being Blog.

The Narcissist as Parent, Spouse or Both

"Narcissism falls along the axis of what psychologists call personality disorders, one of a group that includes antisocial, dependent, histrionic, avoidant and borderline personalities. But by most measures, narcissism is one of the worst, if only because the narcissists themselves are so clueless." ~Jeffrey Kluger 

Many enter therapy because they have been raised by a narcissistic parent or have married a spouse with these traits. Feeling enraged that they must seek treatment, while the other continues to leave a path of pain and destruction in their wake is a common theme for these individuals who seek help.

A hallmark trait of the narcissist is that they lack empathy and are unable to see and respond to the real needs and "self" of the other.

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Kimberly Seelbrede, LCSW is a New York City Psychotherapist + Consultant who splits her time between Manhattan and Santa Fe, providing online therapy to individuals and couples. With extensive training and experience, she provides psychological consultation, psychotherapy, EMDR therapy and executive coaching to a range of clients including VIP's + high-profile clients. As a women's emotional health + relationship expert, her specialties include: anxiety, depression, trauma resolution, addictions, relationship, intimacy and sexual concerns, health + autoimmune issues, loss + grief and women's mentoring. She enjoys writing, photography, yoga, meditation, travel and really good key lime pie. She lives with her husband, psychologist, scholar and mindfulness expert John Chambers Christopher. For more, subscribe to her newsletter or connect with her on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Psychology Today, EMDRIA and her personal websites KimSeelbrede.com, Santa Fe Integrative Psychotherapy or Well+Being Blog.