Focus on your relational wellness

“we are all born with the same basic relational needs, and then it gets complicated”

Couple counseling is a journey that transforms the raw, painful fractures of a relationship into opportunities for profound growth and reconnection. In this sacred space, both partners can begin to untangle the layers of hurt and mistrust, gently peeling back the walls they've built around their hearts. Through open communication, empathy, and emotional reparation, therapy nurtures the possibility of rediscovering a love that not only heals but flourishes in new, unexpected ways. We work together when your relationship is at a Crossroads, with Expert Guidance to Help You Get To The Next Step.

As a Couple therapist in New York, who are my ideal clients?

As an experienced couples therapist based in New York City, I specialize in helping couples navigate their most challenging times, including, and especially, those in crisis. However, not all couples need to wait until they are in a "crisis" to seek therapy. In fact, seeking help early on can be incredibly beneficial. When couples come to therapy before things feel irreparable, they can gain invaluable tools to improve communication, deepen emotional connections, and strengthen their relationship. Whether you’re facing a rough patch or struggling to understand and heal from a betrayal, therapy can provide essential guidance to help you move forward together.

judgement-free space working with traditional & non-traditional NY couples

I work with both traditional and non-traditional couples, providing a safe, non-judgmental space to explore the complexities of adult relationships. I’m experienced in addressing a broad range of challenges, including attachment style differences, communication breakdowns, and repetitive relational patterns that can undermine connection. Additionally, I support couples navigating open relationships, ethical non-monogamy, and kink exploration, offering guidance on how to foster healthy dynamics and establish clear boundaries.

I also work with couples facing more specific concerns such as infidelity, desire discrepancies, sexual trauma, and changes in libido, including those related to perimenopause, menopause, erectile dysfunction, and chronic health issues. Life transitions like pregnancy, postpartum, and andropause can bring their own set of challenges, and I’m here to help couples through these transformative moments with empathy and expertise.

At the heart of my approach is the belief that addressing the root cause of your struggles—whether they are emotional, physical, or relational—is the key to lasting healing and growth. I work collaboratively with you to explore these underlying issues, helping you build a deeper understanding of each other and move forward with healthier, more fulfilling connections. No matter where you are in your relationship journey, I’m here to support you through the challenges and help you create the relationship you desire.

Whether you are newly partnered, considering marriage or have been together for decades, New York couples have many reasons for seeking couple counseling, including:

• Navigating the High-Stress Pace of NYC - With the relentless hustle and bustle of city life, couples often feel disconnected due to long work hours, busy schedules, and the constant rush, leading them to seek therapy to reconnect and prioritize their relationship.

• Balancing Ambition and Intimacy - New Yorkers are known for their drive and career focus, but the pressure to succeed professionally can often lead to neglecting emotional needs and intimacy, prompting couples to seek therapy to create a better work-life relationship balance.

• Dealing with NYC’s 24/7 Environment - The city’s round-the-clock activity and constant distractions can leave couples feeling overwhelmed and disconnected, making therapy essential for creating boundaries and learning how to be present with each other, especially with kids

• Coping with the "City That Never Sleeps" Exhaustion - Living in a city that never slows down can lead to burnout and fatigue, which negatively impacts relationships. Couples seek therapy to learn how to manage stress and re-energize their connection amidst the chaos.

• Tackling the Pressure to "Have It All" - New Yorkers often face societal pressures to excel in their careers, relationships, and social lives. Therapy helps couples address the stress of living up to high expectations and create healthier, more fulfilling dynamics.

• Managing Conflict in Small, Expensive Apartments - The high cost of living in NYC often means couples are living in tight spaces, which can lead to increased tension and arguments. Therapy can help couples navigate conflict and manage space and time together in smaller environments.

• Handling Fast-Paced Life Transitions - In a city constantly in flux, couples face rapid life changes—new jobs, moving, or starting a family—that require a unique set of tools to adjust and thrive. Therapy helps partners adapt to these transitions with better communication and understanding.

• Managing Chronic Health or Medical Conditions - NYC couples have high levels of stress and illness and dealing with health-related challenges, such as chronic pain, infertility, or mental health struggles, often drives couples to seek help.

• Enduring the Repetitive Conflict Patterns - When couples notice recurring issues or arguments that never seem to get resolved, therapy helps break these unhealthy cycles and develop new ways of handling conflict.

• Facing the Loneliness of a Crowded City - Despite the millions of people around, many New Yorkers feel isolated in their relationships due to the overwhelming noise and distractions of the city. Therapy helps couples find genuine connection and intimacy despite feeling disconnected from the world around them.

• Managing the Stress of Parenthood in a High-Cost City - Raising children in NYC comes with its own set of challenges, including juggling work, childcare, and the financial pressures of city life. Couples seek therapy for guidance on balancing these demands while maintaining a healthy relationship.

• Addressing Addiction and Its Impact on Relationships - In New York City, high-pressure lifestyles and stress can sometimes contribute to substance use or behavioral addictions, which can take a serious toll on relationships. Couples dealing with addiction often seek therapy to understand the root causes of the behavior, break the cycle of dependency, and rebuild trust.

• Sex Therapy for Renewed Intimacy - In the fast-paced environment of NYC, many couples experience challenges in their sexual relationship, including issues like desire discrepancy, lack of intimacy, or performance anxiety. Sex therapy offers a safe, non-judgmental space to address these concerns, helping couples rebuild sexual confidence, improve communication around intimacy, and reconnect physically.

• Reconnecting After the Fast-Paced Lifestyle Has Taken Its Toll - After years of living life at full speed, many couples in NYC find themselves emotionally drained and disconnected. Therapy offers a chance to slow down, reflect, and rebuild the emotional intimacy that’s been lost in the race. This includes empty nest after years of parenting and finding each other again.

More about Manhattan & NY Couple & Marriage Counseling

Do you often find yourselves feeling more like competitors than partners, struggling to face life’s challenges together as a team? Are your arguments becoming more frequent, more intense, and harder to resolve? Are there lingering issues that never seem to get addressed, with the same patterns playing out every time you try to discuss something meaningful? If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. Many couples reach out for help when they find themselves stuck in an emotional cycle of unresolved conflict, feeling overwhelmed by stress, and unsure of how to break free.

Couples tend to seek therapy during times of extreme emotional stress—when the challenges they’re facing have grown too overwhelming to handle on their own. Whether it’s financial strain, parenting struggles, communication breakdowns, or life transitions, the pressure can take a toll on even the strongest relationships. But here’s the truth: crisis can offer a profound opportunity for growth. In these difficult moments, couples have the chance to build stronger connections, improve communication, and create the stability needed to move forward together.

Have those difficult conversations in a safe space, that’s what we do in relationship therapy

Couples therapy provides a unique space to address the conflicts that often get avoided, minimized, or suppressed—issues that, over time, can lead to built-up anger, resentment, and emotional disconnection. During these sessions, we help you and your partner identify negative patterns from the past that are affecting your present relationship. With expert guidance, you’ll learn how to address the underlying emotions and unmet needs driving your struggles, which can significantly improve how you respond to one another during difficult conversations. In addition to resolving old issues, therapy provides valuable tools to strengthen your relationship for the future. You’ll learn how to communicate more effectively, manage stress as a team, and rebuild trust and intimacy. The goal isn’t just to survive your challenges but to thrive in your relationship, using the lessons learned from hard times to create a deeper, more resilient bond.

If you’re ready to transform your relationship, break free from negative patterns, and move forward with a deeper understanding of each other, therapy is a powerful step in the right direction. Couples counseling in New York City can help you and your partner reconnect, heal past wounds, and build a healthier, more fulfilling future together. Let’s work together to create a stronger, more loving partnership—because every relationship deserves the chance to grow.

individualized Couple therapy to help you heal problem relationship dynamics by blending elements of Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), Internal Family System (IFS), attachment theory, somatic awareness and neuroscience.

Does therapist training matter when you choose your couple therapist?

I blend a range of therapy modalities to my work with couples, including trauma focused therapy, emotionally focused therapy skills and neurobiological attachment-based strategies. Helping clients connect deeply and feel regulated together is always a goal of quality couple counseling. The types and effectiveness of psychotherapy models can vary significantly, as each approach is designed to address specific relationship challenges. In New York City, couples therapy offers a wide range of therapeutic modalities, with some models being a better fit for particular issues than others. Popular and effective approaches include Emotionally-Focused Therapy (EFT), Gottman Couples Therapy, and the Psychobiological Approach to Couples Therapy (PACT). These models provide unique strategies and communication tools that can help couples navigate challenges, improve emotional intimacy, and strengthen their connection. By working with an experienced New York couples therapist, you can determine which therapy model is best suited to your relationship needs, helping you build a deeper, more resilient partnership. Whether you're facing communication breakdowns, trust issues, power dynamics or emotional disconnection, these evidence-based approaches offer valuable insights and practical solutions to help you grow together.

What follows are some modalities that I offer in my work with relationship repair:

• Psychodynamic Psychotherapy

• Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)

• Attachment & Trauma-Informed Models

• Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT)

• EMDR Therapy

• Internal Family Systems (IFS)

• Sexual Counseling (Traditional & Alternative Lifestyle)

• Solution-Focused Brief Therapy

• Somatic Experiencing (SE)

• Polyvagal Theory

• Nutrition & Integrative Medicine For Mental Health

• Wellness & Mindfulness Coaching

• Executive & Healthcare Professionals Burnout Prevention

• Mindfulness, Breathwork & Relaxation Practices

Recovering from a relationship crisis

Effective couple and relationship therapy or coaching can also help partners heal from major trauma(s) and navigate difficult transitions and life challenges. For instance, if a couple has faced betrayal, infidelity, a major loss or change in circumstances, accidents, medical diagnosis, or any other crisis affecting their relationship, therapy can help them through the healing process and regain resilience. Trauma recovery therapy is an important component of addressing these major wounds. Starting a conversation can be challenging since many partners find it difficult to address tough topics on their own. A therapist can serve as a neutral facilitator, providing safety, support, and structure to navigate these discussions more easily during therapy sessions. These learned high-level skills can be applied independently when you complete therapy.

What parts of your Relationship needs repair?

• Sexual and intimacy issues 

• Health conditions that impact sexual wellness and intimacy

• Feeling disconnected from each other

• Desire for safety and security in the relationship

• Difficulty resolving problems as they arise

• Patterns and dynamics that are repeated from unhealed early experiences

• Fighting and poor communication 

• Individual health and/or emotional problems that impact the relationship

• Struggles with addictions or substance abuse

• Money and financial distress

• Aging concerns

• Health and chronic pain

• Conflicts about values

• Family issues

• Different parenting styles

• Toxic anger and rage

• Jealousy and envy

• Personal histories of abuse and trauma

• The desire for a healthier work, life, and family balance

• Identity and role problems

• Loss and bereavement

• Healing from emotional affairs and infidelity

• Divorce, remarriage and blended family

• Money and financial concerns

• Roles and work/life balance

are you a high-conflict couple struggling?

Therapy can be a crucial support system for high-conflict couples considering separation or divorce, offering a safe and structured space to work through intense emotions and complex issues before making a final decision. In relationships marked by frequent tension, miscommunication, and emotional turmoil, therapy provides an opportunity for both individuals to explore the root causes of their conflicts, which may include unmet needs, unresolved resentments, or differing values. A skilled therapist can guide the couple in understanding these underlying issues and help them communicate in more productive and less confrontational ways. Instead of escalating their disagreements, therapy encourages couples to express their emotions constructively, enabling them to hear each other’s perspectives without judgment or blame.

Moreover, therapy can assist couples in developing crucial skills to manage conflict and improve their emotional regulation. In high-conflict relationships, it’s easy for conversations to turn hostile or for resentment to build unchecked, but therapy offers tools to slow down these interactions and promote healthier, more respectful exchanges. This can be especially important when children are involved, as therapy can help parents focus on their roles as co-parents, encouraging cooperation rather than further discord. By addressing negative patterns and fostering a deeper understanding of each other's emotional needs, therapy can lead to greater clarity about whether separation or reconciliation is the best path forward.

Additionally, therapy provides a space for couples to assess their relationship honestly, considering whether they are truly ready to part ways or if they might be able to work through their difficulties. It allows them to explore their feelings of love, resentment, fear, and grief in a safe environment, helping them make an informed, thoughtful decision about their future. Ultimately, therapy can serve as a crucial step in either finding a way to rebuild the relationship or ensuring that both individuals can part with a sense of closure and understanding. Whether the couple chooses to stay together or separate, therapy helps them approach the decision with greater emotional insight and a clearer path forward.

Relationship Styles take many forms

Some couple therapists choose to work only with traditional couples, while other relationship therapists are comfortable working with non-traditional couples, which can take various forms, challenging the conventional norms of romantic partnerships. These relationships might involve unique dynamics, structures, or expectations that deviate from what society traditionally deems as the "standard" couple model. The following examples show how diverse and fluid relationships can be, with each type emphasizing communication, consent, and mutual respect as core elements. Here are some examples:

Traditional Relationships

• A traditional relationship, especially in the context of romantic partnerships, typically refers to a relationship structure that aligns with societal norms or expectations about love, commitment, and gender roles. While traditional relationships can vary depending on cultural, social, and historical context, they often share some common elements. Traditional relationship typically include monogamy, conservative views on sexuality, clearly defined gender roles, and a focus on family and children. However, over time, the concept of traditional relationships has evolved to encompass a wider range of dynamics and greater flexibility.

Polyamorous Relationships

• Involves consensual, ethical, and informed romantic or sexual relationships with more than one person at a time.

• Hierarchical - Partners may have primary, secondary, or tertiary status.

• Non-hierarchical - All partners are considered equally significant.

• Solo Poly - Individuals prioritize independence and may not seek a primary partner.

Open Relationships

• A relationship where both partners agree to engage in sexual or romantic encounters with others while maintaining the core of their primary partnership.

• Difference from Polyamory - Polyamory often involves deeper romantic connections with multiple partners, whereas open relationships tend to focus more on sexual openness.

Long-Distance Relationships (LDRs)

• Couples who live far apart and maintain their romantic connection through communication, often over the phone, video chats, or visits.

• Characteristics - These relationships can range from traditional monogamy to polyamory, but the defining feature is physical separation.

Co-Parenting Relationships

• People who come together primarily for the purpose of raising children, without necessarily having a romantic or sexual relationship.

• Platonic Co-Parenting: Sharing parenting duties without romantic involvement.

• Intentional Parenting: Two or more individuals may form a family unit without being romantically or sexually involved.

Relationship Anarchy

• A philosophy that rejects traditional norms about relationships, including expectations about romantic or sexual exclusivity.

• Characteristics - Relationships are treated as individual and fluid, with no predefined rules about hierarchy or expectations. Consent and communication are central.

Monogamish Relationships

• A relationship where the primary partners mostly practice monogamy but allow for occasional exceptions.

• Example - A couple who may have sexual experiences with others, but maintain their emotional commitment and primary connection.

Swinging

• A practice where committed couples consensually engage in sexual activities with other couples or individuals.

• Characteristics - Typically focused on sexual exploration, rather than emotional or romantic connections with others.

Queerplatonic Relationships

• A term often used by those in the asexual and aromantic communities to describe a deeply committed, emotionally intimate relationship that isn’t necessarily sexual or romantic in nature.

• Characteristics - A "queerplatonic" partner may share a home, family responsibilities, and close emotional bonds without conventional romantic or sexual expectations.

Solo Relationships

• Individuals who choose to prioritize their own autonomy and well-being without being in a romantic or sexual partnership.

• Characteristics - They may still form close, emotionally supportive relationships but without the expectation of traditional coupledom.

Non-monogamous Friendships

• While not strictly a "couple" relationship, some non-monogamous individuals may have deep emotional, supportive, and even sexual relationships with friends, redefining what a "relationship" can be outside of romantic norms.

Arranged or Semi-Arranged Marriages

• A relationship structure where partners may not initially choose each other for romantic reasons, but are introduced or brought together by families or other third parties.

• Characteristics - The relationships may evolve over time into deep romantic or platonic bonds, with varying levels of independence or emotional connection.

Virtual Relationships

• Romantic or sexual relationships conducted entirely online, where partners may never meet in person or have limited physical interaction.

• Characteristics - These relationships can be monogamous, open, polyamorous, or even based on shared hobbies and interests.

Transitional or Situational Relationships

• Relationships that form temporarily due to life circumstances, such as during a period of geographic transition, academic focus, or major life changes.

• Characteristics - These relationships might not have long-term expectations and can often be more flexible.

Asexual Relationships

• Relationships where one or both partners do not experience sexual attraction.

• Characteristics - They may be romantic or non-romantic and focus on emotional intimacy and companionship, but without sexual involvement.

Companionship-based Relationships

• Partnerships focused on companionship, where emotional connection and support are prioritized over physical intimacy or traditional romantic expectations.

• Characteristics - May be deeply satisfying for people who value emotional closeness without a desire for sexual activity.

are you experiencing sexual difficulties?

There are many reasons partners experience intimacy and sexual difficulties when the relationship is solid and good. Sexual problems can be influenced by various other factors, including physical health, hormonal imbalances, psychological factors, and relationship dynamics. Hormones play a significant role in regulating sexual function and desire, so any imbalance can lead to sexual problems. Here's an overview of how health and hormonal issues can affect sexuality:

Hormonal Imbalances and Their Impact…

Hormones are chemical messengers that help regulate various bodily functions, including sexual desire, arousal, and response. Changes or imbalances in certain hormones can affect sexual health, and this is the case for men and women.

Common Hormones Involved in Sexual Health:

• Testosterone: This hormone is crucial for libido (sexual desire) and sexual arousal in both men and women. Low levels of testosterone can lead to a reduced interest in sex, erectile dysfunction in men, and vaginal dryness in women.

• Estrogen: This is the primary female sex hormone and is important for sexual function in women. Low estrogen levels (which can occur during menopause) can lead to vaginal dryness, pain during intercourse, and a decrease in sexual desire.

• Progesterone: This hormone works alongside estrogen in regulating menstrual cycles and pregnancy. Low levels can lead to irregular menstrual cycles, and, in some cases, low libido.

• Prolactin: Elevated levels of prolactin (often due to conditions like pituitary tumors) can interfere with sexual desire and arousal by inhibiting the effects of estrogen and testosterone.

• Oxytocin: Often referred to as the "love hormone," oxytocin is involved in bonding, orgasm, and sexual pleasure. Low levels of oxytocin may affect sexual satisfaction and emotional connection.

Causes of Hormonal Imbalances:

• Menopause (for women): As women approach menopause, estrogen and progesterone levels decline, which can lead to changes in sexual desire, vaginal dryness, and discomfort during sex.

• Testosterone deficiency (for men and women): A decline in testosterone levels can reduce sexual desire and energy levels.

• Thyroid issues: Both hyperthyroidism (overactive thyroid) and hypothyroidism (underactive thyroid) can lead to sexual dysfunction, including low libido and erectile issues.

• Adrenal insufficiency: Conditions like Addison’s disease or chronic stress can affect cortisol and adrenaline, leading to fatigue, depression, and decreased sexual desire.

Common Sexual Problems Related to Hormonal Imbalances

• Low Libido (Sexual Desire): Low levels of testosterone in men and estrogen in women can decrease sexual interest and desire. This can be influenced by hormonal changes due to aging, medical conditions, or medications.

• Erectile Dysfunction (ED): While ED is often linked to physical factors like cardiovascular health, hormonal issues (especially low testosterone) can contribute. ED can also be associated with stress, anxiety, or depression, which can disrupt hormone balance.

• Vaginal Dryness: This is commonly caused by low estrogen levels, particularly during menopause or after childbirth. Dryness can make intercourse painful and reduce sexual pleasure.

• Painful Intercourse (Dyspareunia): Hormonal imbalances can contribute to vaginal atrophy (thinning and drying of the vaginal walls), which can make sex painful. This is common during menopause when estrogen levels decrease.

• Orgasmic Dysfunction: Hormonal changes, especially in estrogen and testosterone, can affect a person's ability to achieve orgasm. This can be linked to physical and psychological factors.

• Anorgasmia (Inability to Reach Orgasm): This may be associated with hormonal fluctuations, particularly in cases of thyroid issues, menopause, or the use of birth control pills.

Health Conditions That Affect Sexual Function

Several health conditions can disrupt sexual function, often through their effect on hormones or overall health:

• Diabetes: Poor blood sugar control can damage blood vessels and nerves, leading to erectile dysfunction, vaginal dryness, and reduced sexual sensitivity.

• Heart Disease: Cardiovascular health is closely related to sexual function, particularly for men. Poor circulation can hinder blood flow to sexual organs, causing erectile dysfunction.

• Obesity: Excess weight can lead to hormonal imbalances (e.g., increased estrogen levels in men) and is often linked to low libido and erectile dysfunction.

• Chronic Stress and Anxiety: Stress can lead to elevated cortisol levels, which can interfere with normal sexual function, causing reduced libido, erectile dysfunction, and difficulty reaching orgasm.

Medications That Affect Sexual Health

Certain medications can interfere with sexual desire, arousal, and performance, often by altering hormone levels or by having side effects that affect sexual health:

• Antidepressants: Selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs) can cause sexual side effects, including reduced libido, delayed orgasm, or anorgasmia.

• Birth Control Pills: Hormonal contraceptives that contain synthetic estrogen and progesterone can sometimes lead to reduced libido and vaginal dryness.

• Blood Pressure Medications: Some antihypertensive drugs, especially beta-blockers and diuretics, may contribute to sexual dysfunction.

• Anti-androgens: Medications used to treat prostate cancer or to manage gender transition (e.g., spironolactone, finasteride) may reduce testosterone levels, leading to reduced sexual desire and function.

Psychological and Emotional Factors

While hormonal and health factors are important, psychological factors also play a significant role in sexual health. Conditions like stress, depression, anxiety, or relationship issues can affect sexual desire and performance. Psychological factors may also affect the way hormones are produced or used by the body, creating a feedback loop that compounds sexual difficulties.

Treatment and Solutions for hormonal imbalances

If hormonal imbalances are suspected to be causing sexual problems, it’s important to consult a healthcare provider who can help identify the underlying cause. Treatment options may include:

• Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT): For women experiencing menopause, HRT can help restore estrogen and progesterone levels, alleviating symptoms like vaginal dryness and low libido.

• Testosterone Replacement Therapy: In cases of low testosterone, either in men or women, testosterone replacement therapy (TRT) may help restore libido and sexual function.

• Medications for Erectile Dysfunction: Drugs like sildenafil (Viagra) or tadalafil (Cialis) can help improve blood flow to the penis, aiding in the management of erectile dysfunction.

• Psychotherapy or Counseling: Therapy can help address the psychological factors affecting sexual health, including anxiety, stress, depression, and relationship issues.

• Lifestyle Changes: Improving diet, exercise, stress management, and sleep can have a positive impact on hormone levels and sexual health.

• Fertility Treatments: If hormonal imbalances are affecting fertility, treatments like in vitro fertilization (IVF) or medication to regulate ovulation may be necessary.

create Secure Love & Heal Intimacy

Intimacy counseling is offered to couples struggling with attachment concerns, sexual challenges, lack of desire, and an inability to communicate their needs and desires. My goal is to help clients who are craving more exploration, surprise, mystery, novelty, excitement, desire and passion in their erotic lives. Vibrant sexuality generalizes into many aspects of our lives, sparking renewed creativity and aliveness.

Intimacy counseling is offered to couples struggling with sexual concerns, lack of desire, and an inability to communicate their needs and desires. My goal is to help clients who are craving more exploration, surprise, mystery, novelty, excitement, desire, and passion in their erotic lives. Vibrant sexuality generalizes into many aspects of our lives, creating renewed creativity and aliveness.

It’s nearly impossible to feel love and connection when resentment has taken hold. Couples Sessions are designed to help clients work through relationship and communication problems and create or reconnect to love respect, and emotional closeness. I work with high-functioning couples helping them listen for and understand the emotional needs of the other. Effective couples coaching should provide support and guidance so that communication can feel safe and constructive.  Additionally, couples can learn tools to identify problems, and repetitive patterns, navigate difficult circumstances, work through conflicts, and increase the attachment bond, which results in deepened intimacy and trust.

We help couples and individuals connect or reconnect to their sexual selves. Sex is a healthy and natural form of human expression that deserves to be enjoyed and expressed. Sometimes, situations such as a painful childhood, or negative adult experiences have made it unsafe in the present to explore areas of sexuality and sensual expression. This creates shame and confusion, as well as fear and avoidance.

I provide a safe sex-positive therapy space to help couples experience and restore intimacy and pleasure. Together, we will work to help you discover the psychological, emotional, and physical factors contributing to your sexual problems or lack of fulfillment and how you can overcome them.  

When to consider sexual counseling:

• You desire passion, exploration, novelty, mystery, surprise, desire

• Sexual inexperience

• Problems related to a life-stage or aging

• Hormonal concerns (men and women), childbirth, menopause

• Problems related to medication or a medical diagnosis

• Sexual identity and gender concerns

• Religion or culture that was not sex positive

• Erectile dysfunction

• Painful sex that may include pelvic pain, vaginismus or vulvodynia

• Premature or delayed ejaculation

• Varying Libido (high or low) between partners

• Sex and porn addiction

• Infidelity

• Sexual trauma

Healing Betrayal In Intimate Relationships

Few things wound more than emotional and intimate betrayal. What can we learn from the meaning of an affair, and can we heal after an emotional or physical betrayal? Yes, it is possible to heal and even thrive after relationship betrayal.

Many couples will enter therapy having learned of a physical or emotional betrayal by their partner. The experience of infidelity is one of the most crushing events and deepest attachment wounds that couples face. Many react by leaving the relationship instead of taking the opportunity to understand the meaning behind the affair. Many fail to take responsibility for the betrayal and will continue to lie or gaslight their partner.

Seeking someone outside the relationship communicates something important about what one needs, or is trying to feel, capture, or experience. For couples who dare to seek therapy and learn more about the deeper meaning of the emotional or physical affair, it is possible to emerge stronger and experience a deeper understanding of your partner, their needs, and even your own needs.

Your relationship may be in trouble if you are experiencing the following:

• You have trouble talking and communicating in a healthy manner

• Your partner feels like the enemy to you

• You or your partner feel hurt much of the time

• You or your partner do not feel heard or seen in the relationship

• You now lead separate lives

• You have the same fights over and over without resolution

• You now experience resentment towards your partner

• Your sex life and intimacy have changed

• Your old trauma wounds have resurfaced and are now impacting your relationship

• You are struggling to manage a time of crisis, such as an injury, medical diagnosis, loss, or transition, as examples

• You or your partner are having an affair

If you are considering separation or divorce…

Relationship discernment is a deeply introspective and transformative process that helps individuals or couples evaluate the true nature of their relationship and whether it aligns with their long-term emotional, personal, and spiritual needs. It involves slowing down amidst the rush of daily life to honestly assess the dynamics of the partnership—its strengths, its challenges, and whether it supports the individual’s sense of fulfillment and growth. This process goes beyond surface-level issues, encouraging individuals to reflect on core values, communication patterns, and compatibility. Whether considering staying in the relationship, taking a break, or parting ways, discernment provides clarity and empowers people to make decisions that are aligned with their authentic desires and needs, rather than staying in a relationship out of fear, obligation, or uncertainty. Ultimately, relationship discernment is about embracing the power of choice—giving individuals the space to make informed, deliberate decisions that honor their well-being and pave the way for a healthier, more purposeful future, either together or apart.

Remember these important things that lead to relationship destruction…

(From the Gottman Institute)

• Emotional distance can be as destructive to a relationship as conflict

• The way a couple fights, repairs and resolves problems is more important than what they fight about

• Attachment insecurity leads to conflict and or distance

• In distressed relationships, some partners shut down and withdraw as a way to manage intense emotions

• Couples must nurture fondness and respect for the other to thrive together

• Couples need shared meaning in their lives to remain connected

Explore Dynamics That lead to Confusion & Despair

Most couples cannot have the relationship they desire because they are too busy acting out old, familiar dynamics. These repetitions and distortions create the distance you now feel in your relationship. Let’s fix this so you can love again!

When feeling triggered by their partner, what follows is a near-constant dance of each member of the couple acting out familiar dynamics from their own past. This dance is largely unconscious but yields toxic, destructive effects on the relationship. An experienced relationship therapist can help couples see the situation more clearly and identify, understand, and work through these challenging dynamics that are recreated in the here and now.  

All partners enter the relationship with their own working model or relationship template that impacts the other. Both partners may engage in behaviors and patterns that provoke each other in ways that encourage the other to play out the other half of these old and familiar dynamics.

Relationships are confusing because each partner’s narrative feels very real to them, but as they continue to play this out, the relationships become distorted and not reality-based, hence the confusion.

This only serves to reinforce each partner’s working relational model, confirming what they already believed to be true about relationships. The good news is, we are not doomed to repeat the patterns of our past. We can change our model, but we have to pause and identify it first so we can challenge the narrative.

More helpful information about repeating problem dynamics in relationships…

Many couples suffer greatly because of the need to repeat familiar or traumatic experiences. Anyone who has had their therapy may have some insight into how this defensive pattern plays out in their everyday lives. These dynamics are often what brings couples into counseling and can be identified during couple therapy sessions. They are usually quite obvious to a trained professional. Together we can work to understand what belongs in the past and what is being recreated in the present. 

Why does this happen? Because we are wired to repeat familiar patterns and habits. On an unconscious level, we repeat what is familiar to us, even traumatizing events, in an attempt to “master” or gain control over the experience. These family dynamics and generational patterns are repeated and recreated, again and again. 

Examples of making the same relationship mistakes:

• You continually repeat the same dysfunctional dynamics and patterns with your current partner

• You find partners with similar qualities as the parent(s) that caused you distress, such as a distant, neglectful, alcoholic, or abusive parent

• You repeat what’s familiar to you and what you observed or experienced as a child which generalizes to many aspects of your life

• You repeat traumatic events in an unconscious attempt to master in the present the lack of control that you experienced during early traumatic experiences.

• You may feel you don’t deserve healthy partnerships, especially if you’re a trauma survivor, so you push the other away or sabotage the relationship

• You likely internalized your family of origin or generational traumas and experiences of shame which now impacts your self-esteem

is it time to seek Couple & relationship Therapy?

There Are Many Reasons To Begin Couples Therapy. Unfortunately, Most Couples Wait Until It’s Late In The Game, And They’ve Suffered Greatly. Couples Therapy Can Help You Improve Communication, Decrease Conflict, And Restore Feelings Of Connection And Harmony. If Both Of You Agree That Couple Counseling Is The Next Step, Odds Are In Your Favor.

If you’ve landed on the webpage of a New York licensed couple therapist, it’s probably a good time to seek counseling. Many couples struggle with feeling hurt, betrayed, resentful, confused, lonely, lacking physical contact, and feeling hopeless in their relationship. These issues can persist for years, with recurring patterns and dynamics. Some couples have been trying to handle these problems on their own and are now feeling hopeless and desperate. It's important to seek the help of an experienced relationship expert during a crisis, and it can also be beneficial to find a therapist before problems seem insurmountable. If you've noticed potential issues in your relationship and are unsure how to address them, couples counseling can provide guidance.

Are You Struggling In Your Relationship With These Common Couple Problems?

• You feel undervalued in your relationship

• You miss the emotional and physical closeness that you once shared

• You feel stuck in patterns of conflict and drama that never seem to get resolved

• You feel more like roommates than romantic partners

• You worry that unresolved trauma with one or both of you is interfering with the connection

• You aren’t sure if you and your partner have a future together

• Your goals and values are no longer aligned

• You feel disappointed and hopeless that things will never improve

• You can’t seem to recover from an emotional or physical betrayal

How to Thrive In Your Relationships

Effective relationship therapy and coaching help you do more than repeat and endure, you can heal and thrive. What follows are some excellent couple counseling goals.

• Learn to listen for and understand the needs of the other

• Identify your own needs and express them clearly and effectively

• Learn to communicate in ways that allow the other to hear what is being said

• Identify and reduce defensiveness as a relational style in personal and professional relationships 

• Notice the often missed and less concrete ways a partner may be attempting to show love and affection

• Develop healthier problem-solving skills and learn to resolve conflict effectively

• Become aware of triggers and their source 

• Learn emotion regulation skills to manage intense feelings

• Create shared values, goals, and dreams for the future

• Express, disclose and resolve painful emotions, thoughts, and feelings in a safe place

• Repair destructive patterns and dynamics that have led to relational wounds in your current partnership

• Work through unhealed wounds from the past or family of origin complexities that surface now and are played out in current relationships

• Become more resilient to symptoms related to adjustments, life transitions, change, and challenges

• Gain support for parenting and co-parenting struggles 

• Help for repairing trust and healing from infidelity and betrayal

All of your relationships deserve to be satisfying…

And can benefit from effective marriage and relationship therapy and coaching

Relationship coaching can be a life-changing experience for many. We all have various relationships in our lives, whether they are with business partners, co-workers, friends, family, romantic partners, or even with ourselves. Relationship coaching equips clients with the tools needed to address disagreements, personality clashes, and other challenges that may arise within important relationships. Consider asking yourself these important questions:

• Which relationships are causing you stress and tension? Siblings, colleagues, parents, friends?

• Do you struggle with honesty in certain relationships?

• Do you struggle to have difficult conversations, communicate your needs, or maintain boundaries?

• Do you get flustered, come “undone” or lose your effectiveness in the face of conflict, negative feedback, or confrontation?

• Do you feel easily controlled in certain important relationships?

• Are power struggles or disagreements draining you or your company’s energy?

About Holistic Relationship Therapy NYC

This practice provides a range of psychological & wellness services in NYC and throughout NY state. The goal is to individualize treatment to your unique physical, emotional, cognitive, and spiritual needs. I have experience working with a broad range of symptoms and approaches in psychotherapy, including but not limited to EMDR Therapy, Psychodynamic Psychotherapy, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT), Solution-Focused Therapy, Internal Family Systems, and Holistic Mind-Body Medicine. Therapy begins with a therapeutic consultation, where you will gather a wealth of information about your difficulties. Many people feel better after the first session. The initial consultation also lays the groundwork for future treatment as we determine the best modalities to help you heal.

Holistic relationship & Couple Therapist With Nearly 20 Years Of Experience

This practice offers supportive, compassionate, and comprehensive care, staying current on research related to mental health. My goal is to use my expertise and extensive training to get you back to living your life as quickly as possible.

Book An Appointment For Holistic Psychotherapy, EMDR & wellness NYC Today

Book an appointment directly or text 212-529-8292 to get started. Integrative Psychotherapy & Wellness Manhattan can help you with your healing journey guiding you towards optimal mental health.